Gossip Girl: Jack Bass Is Back

If I had to choose who I’d want to win in a boxing match between Jenny Humphrey and Jack Bass, I honestly don’t think I’d be able to it. That would be like asking me to choose between rolling around naked with Joel McHale for an hour or getting 24 hours to eat as much Costco cake as I want without having to count the calories.

And it has nothing to do with that creepy facial hair Uncle Jack is sporting.

Those two got me so angry last night I kicked my coffee table and chipped my pedicure. And that only enraged me more. I said it last week and I’ll say it again: I hate bad Jenny. And last night she took my anger to a whole new level. Skipping school, turning down her dad’s waffles (I’m sorry, but I never turn down a waffle), then trying to defend Damien’s honor with “He wasn’t hitting on Serena…. he was just trying to get the drugs back so he could sell them to that girl”? Really, Jenny? That’s your defense?! Oh, and then running away with Dbag Damien after he punched my beloved Nate!? I wanted to grab her by that weave and make her watch Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights on repeat for 48 hours. That would teach her.

And then there’s Uncle Jack. (He’s not the same Uncle Jack as before, is he? I know he’s got that weird beardy thing now, but I swear it’s a different guy. Whatever. He’s still a dirty, disgusting, sleazy man.) Like most people, I couldn’t help but be happy for Chuck now that his mother was in the picture. He was happy, smiling, and having a lot of really adorable make out scenes with Blair. What can I say? I like seeing the bad boy go soft (especially a bad boy that looks like Chuck Bass). And then Jack Bass comes in and ruins it all: his business, his image, his relationship with this woman who we all thought was his mom but is really working with McBeard to ruin the Bass empire….

What….an a-hole.

I’m worried about Chuck. Even more, I’m worried what’s going to happen to him and Blair once they both realize what’s happened and that it’s her fault for pushing him into this blind relationship with his “mother.” Is he going to be homeless, living on the street, selling off all his ties and pinky rings for a bottle of whiskey? Is Blair going to have to move back into the NYU dorms and spend her nights sexiled while Dan and V get. it. on? Or will Chuck move back in to casa de Lily and finally figure out why she’s whoring herself out to her ex husband for her mother’s medical treatments while Jenny pouts in her room and acts all tough and cool?

Maybe he could have Eric’s room? Lord knows we haven’t seen that kid in awhile…

If Tina Fey Is Ugly, I’m Doomed
If Tina Fey Is Ugly, I’m Doomed
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