Heidi Montag Scripts Her Own Drama For Once

"Am I smiling?"

After catching wind (note: different than breaking wind) that The Hills is dunzo after this season, I’ve been having a tough time making it through the day. Which is why I was jumping for joy when I read a little gossip about some drama on the set!! Apparently Heidi Montag decided to shake things up a bit and create some authentic dramz!

Over the weekend at a photo shoot for the show, Heidi and her jugs showed up with four bodyguards in tow. Yes, four.

I don’t even think Kirsti Alley totes around that many big men, and she is twice the size as Ms. Montag. Hell, even Chris Brown has less security and lord knows the world wants to beat the crap out of him.

I’m not sure why Heidi felt the need for so much muscle, but I imagine it has something to do with her new investment pieces. She needs one brawny man for each boob and the other two because, well, who wouldn’t pummel that plastic face if given the chance? So it’s simple – Heidi must have needed the protection. So why was Kristin Cavallari – ice princess with a star tattoo where her heart’s supposed to be – get all upset about it? Shouldn’t she want to protect her friend’s assets?

Could it be that maybe Heidi didn’t need the protection after all? Maybe she was just using those bodacious bodyguards as proof that she’s capable of her own drama and, therefore, her very own MTV show? To make those MTV head honchos realize that, unlike Kristin, she doesn’t ruin the ratings of the highest ranked show in MTV’s lineup, she makes them?

Who knows what that girl’s really thinkin? I mean, she married Spencer Pratt, so I can’t even try and get inside her head. Most likely, she wanted us to talk about it. And we are. So she wins.

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