Usually when I tell people I write for a website I get a range of reactions. These can span from “Oh, like a blog? Like,about what?” to “Wait, let me help you construct some material that I personally find hilarious but wouldn’t appeal to anyone else other than me and maybe four other people in the world. Here, let me give you advice for the next 30 minutes on what your next article should be about.” When I receive the latter response, my eyes typically glaze over, which can often be misconstrued for boredom. That could not be further from the truth. I’m just daydreaming about raspberry sorbet or the easiest way out of the conversation.
However, sometimes I actually pay attention to outside advice on what I should “Write a top ten about.” So I can write the Weekly Ten about it. Or rather, why their ideas are miserable. Below are some of the suggestions I’ve gotten. Honestly, I wish I could make this up.
10. “Top 10 Best Calculator Words”
“You know like if you type in 1134 it spells hell when you flip it upside down. That’s funny, right?”
No. No it’s not. Also, I doubt that you can make any more than 5.
9. “Top 10 Best Footwear”
Wait, really? Best brands? Best type of shoe? Flats, high heels? I don’t even understand this one.
8. “Top 10 Reasons Why I’m Not Upset I Don’t Live in Somalia”
Double negative and unappealing to the CollegeCandy demographic, for the most part. Also, I’m not touching other countries ever again.
7. “Top 10 ‘Guy Movies’ That Girls Like Too!”
I don’t know what exactly a “guy movie” entails and judging by the title itself, I wouldn’t expect anything less than scathing “you’re being stereotypical!” comments full hatred and internet rage.
6. “Top 10 Awesome Summer Jobs”
Let’s be serious, the only thing good about working in the summer is the clothing discount. But really, there’s nothing that’s good about slaving in retail or an office while all your friends are at the beach. Next!
5. “Top 10 Worst Sexual Experiences”
Oh, please. I would never exploit my exes/flings like that. Plus, I’m saving all of that content for my book anyway.
4. “Top 10 Best Cocktails”
Really, you want me to write ‘shot of Patron’ 10 times in a row?
3. “Top 10 Reasons Why You Will Never Be as Charming as That Southern Gentleman on YouTube Who’s Dog Poops in the Ocean.”
I have no words. I think my friend was being facetious, but I can never tell with her.
2. “Top 10 Reasons Why I Loooove Taylor Lautner”
This would be great if I actually saw New Moon, cared about the Twilight “saga” in any form or could even come up with any reason other than his dreamy abs.
1. “Top 10 Reasons Why Canada Sucks”
The last time I ever take a suggestion from anyone. Thanks Mike!
Got any suggestions for the Weekly 10 that don’t suck? Maybe some that do? Leave them in the comments and I’ll credit you in my next post if one really strikes a chord in the spot where my heart is supposed to be.