Glee is Back! Let’s Catch Up on Old Times

It’s finally here. Tonight at 9:28 pm ET, Glee is returning to TV! In honor of the momentous occasion, I’ll be chugging Slurpees and listening to the soundtrack all. day. long. Too bad it will only be background music while I write the giant essay that’s due on Friday and study for the 1,236 tests I have coming up. I’ve got so much on my plate I’ll be lucky if I even get to watch the show tonight.

Ugh, why isn’t this a national holiday?!

I realize there are still some people out there who haven’t quite caught the Glee fever and don’t yet understand why I prefer New Directions’ version of ‘Somebody to Love’ to the original by Queen. (Though I don’t understand how – even Oprah loves them!) But it’s not too late! Just set those DVRs for tonight and let me bring you up to speed. Trust me, you’ll be Gleeking out in no time:

Big Facts:

– Rachel likes Finn, who’s attracted to her but dating Quinn.
– Quinn is pregnant with Puck’s baby, but insists that it is Finn’s.
– Mr. Schuster’s wife, Terri, claimed she was pregnant with their child, but actually wasn’t. Instead, she had plans to adopt Quinn’s baby.
– Mr. Schuster is in love with the germaphobe guidance counselor, Emma, but refuses to acknowledge it due to his pregnant wife.
– Lonely Emma agreed to marry gym teacher/football coach Ken, despite the fact that she dislikes him. Ken figured out that Emma was in love with Will (Mr. Schu), and takes it out on the glee club by trying to prevent the guys from staying on both the football team and in glee.
– Sue Sylvester, coach of the Cheerios, consistently tries to sabotage the glee club, from sending cheerleaders to spy and wreak havoc from the inside, to co-advising and passing on the club’s set list to rival schools.
– Kurt is gay and Artie is in a wheelchair…. in case either of those weren’t obvious enough.

Where We Left Off (Way Too Long Ago):

– Rachel tells Finn what everyone already knew: that Puck is actually the father of Quinn’s baby.
– Schu discovers that his wife was lying about being pregnant and (yay!) kisses Emma in the hallway.
– New Directions wins regionals despite the fact that Sue Sylvester passed their set list on to the other schools, who performed them perfectly.
– Sue Sylvester is suspended from her duties when Mr. Figgins, the school principal, finds out what a manipulative, mean spirited bitch she is she’s done.

What’s Coming Up That’s Got Us All Gleeked:

– Rachel starts dating the male lead of rival group Vocal Adrenaline, who might be using her to sabotage the club! Did I mention that this boy toy will be played by non other than uber Broadway hottie, Jonathan Groff? Swoon.
– Sue is back and ready to take Schu on the Sylvester Express. “Next stop: Horror.”
–  Quinn will be mega preggers and may or may not give birth.
– Rachel and Puck, as well as Artie and Tina, might try dating again.
– Football season may be over, but the guys will start playing basketball… which is also coached by Ken. I can’t imagine he’s going to be too happy about seeing Emma and Schu living happily ever after. What will he do next?!
–  Neil Patrick Harris, Kristen Chenoweth, Eve, Olivia Newton John and Idina Menzel will all be making cameos.
Madonna-themed episode!
– Beatles songs!
– Lady Gaga songs!
– A glee club murder?! “One of us gets killed off when a flying tap shoe smacks us in the face,” says Chris Colfer (Kurt).

Just kidding. I think.

And that’s that. Only 7 more hours to go before the big event; if you’re having trouble dealing with all that waiting, here’s a little taste of what’s coming. Oh, and for those of you who can handle it, a few spoilers!

Life After College: My Very First Tax Season
Life After College: My Very First Tax Season
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