Gossip Girl: The Doctor (van der Woodsen) Is In

There are three things in life that I don’t buy:

1. Bumpits
2. Heels that are taller than 4 inches
3. Lily van der Woodsen’s stupid story about being sick and needing a doctor and the only one that she could find was her sexy, rich ex husband even though she lives in New York City, where some of the best doctors in the world reside.

Oh, and thongs. I don’t buy thongs either.

Let’s just reflect. Lily gets cancer, doesn’t tell her husband, runs into the arms of her ex-husband and stays in a hotel with him “getting treatment” for months at a time, all the while lying to her waffle-making house-husband back home. Then this miracle doctor follows them back to New York where he comes up with some convoluted story about how he was absent for 14 years and then couldn’t see Serena because he was dealing with doctor-patient confidentiality with her mother?

Does this seem totally ridiculous to anyone else? (Besides the obvious fact that Dr. van der Woodsen is a skinnier Jack Donaghy and I was just waiting the entire episode for Liz Lemon to pop in and yell “deal breaker!”) What sort of power does this guy have over these two women that make them completely throw any sense of reason out the window?

And what is it about him that makes Serena talk to him like she’s trying to lure him into bed? That’s her father for god’s sake. Watching those two have coffee made me more uncomfortable than sitting in too-tight jeans at the end of freshman year. And let me tell you, that was painful. I lost feeling in my feet!

But that’s not the only thing that had me squirming in my seat. Little J’s nappy extensions pathetic attempts to to get freaky with Nate were pretty hard to watch as well. Seriously, girl, get a brush. I admit, Chuck’s plan to push Nate and Serena apart was pretty solid, but Jenny just couldn’t make it happen and her meltdown was Awkward City. She made a complete ass of herself in front of both Nate and her step-sister; not even Rufus’s waffles can fix that sitch.

I’m just hoping the rumors are true and Little J won’t be returning much next season. I just wonder how they’re going to get rid of her. Will she go on a post-Nate bender and be sent off to rehab? Will she run back into Damien’s arms, finally do the deed and get pregnant with his drug baby? Will Rufus and Lily get divorced, sending Jenny back to Brooklyn where she’s so embarrassed she packs up her extensions and black eye shadow and skips town?

I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. At this point, the only things I’m certain about when it comes to Gossip Girl is that Blair will never wear a pleather jacket again, Chuck will always wear that pinkie ring and Rufus will always remain Lily’s little bitch.

The Things We’ll Do For A Man….
The Things We’ll Do For A Man….
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