Facebook Is Ruining Everything

Facebook is the hallmark of our generation. It’s usually a good way to see what your friends (or acquaintances, or enemies…) are up to and a good way to kill some time. But the more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that this social networking tool is actually ruining our lives and dramatically changing the way we stalk communicate…for the worse. Here’s 5 very crucial parts of our lives that Facebook is slowly destroying…

1. Dating
After you make out with a guy, do you friend request him? If so, how long do you wait? What about that cute boy in your lecture? Will he think it’s weird that you know his last name? Do you write on his wall? If he doesn’t write back, is he not interested? OMG, he “likes” your status, what does that mean!?  With all this virtual interpretation, there’s hardly time for a real date (or more realistically, a real romp-in-the-hay).

2. Your GPA
I know I’m not the only one that spends more time Facebook creeping in the library than actually studying, and term papers take much longer when you’re logging in to check your News Feed after every paragraph. Especially when that News Feed says “(insert ex’s name here) is in a relationship.” Cue mental breakdown and tears. In the library. Do you see where I’m going with this?

3. Friendships
When we can keep in touch with our friends via wall-to-walls and see what’s going on in their lives from status updates, it’s easy to forget that weekly phone call. Then when you’re finally home for summer together, it seems like you haven’t actually talked in ages. Because you haven’t.

4. Family TMI
Somewhere along the way, adults mistakenly determined it was okay for them to have Facebook too. So that status you posted about your 58 second keg stand? Yeah, Grandma saw that. And that wildly inappropriate TFLN your BFF put on your wall because it totally applies to you? Auntie Deb saw that too. And if you “marry” your roomie on Facebook, get ready, because at Thanksgiving dinner you WILL be asked when you decided to become a lesbian.

5. Your Future
Some organizations have sneaky ways of getting around those privacy settings (if you remember to use them in the first place), and they will stalk you. Turns out those pictures of you funneling beers while getting a piggyback ride from a guy in a lacrosse pinny and the “I’m soo hungover” status updates don’t go over so well with the big boss man. Even if you’re the most responsible student ever, Facebook faux-pas can make you unemployable in an instant.

The Derby Hat: Kentucky’s Greatest Contribution to Society (Aside From Johnny Depp)
The Derby Hat: Kentucky’s Greatest Contribution to Society (Aside From Johnny Depp)
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