Gossip Girl: Thank God That Wasn’t the Finale

Heart melting. Heart melting. WHY ARE THE CREDITS ROLLING?!

For some reason, I was under the impression that last night’s Gossip Girl was the season finale. Imagine my horror, then, when the show ended and I thought I’d have to wait a whole 4 months to find out if Blair met Chuck at the top of the Empire State Building, if Nate and Jenny got. it. onnnnnn., and if Jenny then decided to pack up her extensions and haul ass out of New York.

“NOOOOO!” I screamed as the credits rolled. My mom came running into the kitchen, worried that I’d cut myself or choked on a Stacy’s Pita Chip (have you tried the cinnamon sugar kind? They’re so good I don’t even want to waste time chewing).

“Are you OK?!” She looked worried.

“THAT CAN’T BE THE SEASON FINALE. IT CAN’T!” But before I even finished my thought, “Scenes from The Next Gossip Girl” came on, I jumped out of my seat in total ecstacy, and my mom gave me a look of anger mixed with pity and stormed out of the room.

Thank GOD we get one more week. Things are really heating up around here and I can’t handle another untimely GG break, like that awful 3 month hiatus we had to deal with earlier this season. I need some closure, dammit. Some answers!

I need to know if true love is real and so powerful it can overcome your rich boyfriend trading your vajayjay for a hotel. I need more Chuck and Blair scheming, because even though it only lasted a moment last night, watching them work in tandem on Dr. Holland was the best part of the show (besides the opening with all the Lanvin, Louboutin and Marc Jacobs).

I need to know if Blair does want to get back together with Chuck and is merely playing games with him to make him suffer as much as she did, or if she’s truly moved on to the Columbia rugby boy with the bad taste in sweaters. (The guy is good looking and a more down-to-earth sorta chap, but this is Blair we’re talking about. Down-to-earth isn’t in her vocabulary.)

I need to know what the eff went down between Jenny and Nate. The boy was clearly a little down and out after his cray cray girlfriend (who may or may not be sleeping with her dad…. or at least trying to) verbally bitch slapped him, but is that enough to send him into the skinny arms/giant bosom of Jenny Humphrey? I know they’ve got a bit of a past, and I know Nate’s got a thing for blondes, but there’s a big difference between Serena’s gorgeous locks and J. Humph’s giant dredlock.

I need to know why no one on the UES ever lounges around the house in sweatpants. Really? This is what Jenny wears when she’s grounded?

I need to know what sort of hold Dr. Will had on Dr. Holland to get her to prescribe those fake meds to Lily/pretend to have slept with Rufus. This whole scheme has been a long time coming and involved a lot of work; did she kill someone? Will we ever find out?

I need to know if Jenny is still technically grounded for selling drugs. After all, it was her drug dealing mishaps that saved the family. Of course, then she tried to sabotage the family to go back to Brooklyn…. but the family ended up safe and happy in the end despite her. Does Jenny get her cell phone back?

I need to know that Dr. van der Woodsen is gone, far, far away from New York. I want to love him, really I do – he is a Baldwin – but I am very protective of my Humphrey’s (well, the two that aren’t Jenny) and anyone that threatens them while also getting a little too flirty with his own daughter is dead to me. You may have impressed your starving-for-attention daughter with the killer boots, but you don’t impress me, William. I mean, do you even know how to make waffles?

Candy Dish: Gaga Shows It All Off
Candy Dish: Gaga Shows It All Off
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