By now, everyone is looking forward to the summer. Thoughts of a pool, a raft and a cold beer are about the only things getting us through the hell that is finals week. But while I love me some summer sundresses and the prospect of a steamy summer fling, summer isn’t all rainbows and butterflies for me. Yes, this whiny girl with a Jew-fro has a bit of a bone to pick with summer.
Actually, I’ve got ten bones to pick. Not that I really understand what that little phrase means anyway. It’s sorta gross, right? Picking bones? All I can think about is that graveyard the hyenas hung out at in The Lion King.
Anyways, back to the list:
10. It’s really hot
Great for a day at the beach, not great for a day in New York City when you’re running late to your internship and have to stand in a 100 degree subway station (that always smells like pee) with zero breeze and you can feel the sweat start pooling on the back of your neck and between your boobs. By the time you get to work, your armpits are completely soaked through and you have to manually pull your thighs apart as they have molded into one thunder-thigh on the train.
9. It’s really humid
I don’t know about you, but my Jewish hair gets along with humidity much like Spencer Pratt gets along with anyone. Now that I think about it, Spencer Pratt’s hair might have the same issue.
8. Cars are HOT
You know that moment when you’ve taken a bite of pizza and as it hits/melts the roof of your mouth you realize, a little too late, that it’s really effing hot? Yeah, that’s about the same feeling as getting into a car that’s been sitting in the summer sun for awhile.
7. There’s no good TV on anymore
Every show worth watching (or at least scripted shows that you’re not embarrassed to tell the boy you have a crush on about) ends in the next 3 weeks. 30 Rock, Modern Family, Glee, The Pacific (if you haven’t been watching this mini-series on HBO, watch it OnDemand now!), Gossip Girl…. And what are we left with over the summer? Sunset Daze and Dance Your Ass Off?
6. Two words: bathing suits
5. Sunscreen in my eye
It doesn’t matter how careful I am, I have not gone a week in the summer without getting sunscreen in my eye. And that sh*t BURNS. Oh my god, how it burns.
4. I spend all of my money
There’s something about a beautiful, sunny day that just makes me want to shop, shop, shop. (Perhaps it’s the promise of A/C in the store?) And if I’m not shopping, I have a hard time turning down al fresco dining or drinking. All lovely activities, until I realize all that hard-earned summer cash is gone, gone, gone.
3. My friends are not with me
My best friends are from everywhere from California to Boston…. and that’s where they returned to this summer.
2. But my annoying, overbearing parents are.
As are my 2 older brothers who still find “pull my finger” and “throw Lauren over the couch” funny.
1. Skin, skin, skin
Sure all the shorts, mini-dresses, bathing suits and tank tops are totes cute, but with that cuteness comes a whole lot of shaving and waxing. And more shaving. And more waxing. And a lot of cellulite exposed. Thank god for maxi-dresses, am I right?