Snooki’s Taking Over The World

I love when completely undeserving, socially unacceptable, borderline retarded people like Snooki are somehow able to rake in the big bucks for absolutely no reason at all. Good for you! (Actually, if you couldn’t tell by my tone, I absolutely hate it).

Still, contrary to my opinion, the Snooki obsession not only has yet to die, but it’s going stronger than ever. Perhaps it has something to do with the greatly anticipated season 2 of Jersey Shore. Or the fact that everyone loves a hot mess (what up, LiLo?). First the girl gets paid $10,000 to party at clubs across the country and now Steve Madden has decided to create the “Snooki” shoe.


However, I must say, the shoe’s multicolored glittery, platform design couldn’t epitomize my chic, sophisticated icon, Snooki, any better if it tried.

Despite my deep contempt for the fame that has befallen The Princess of Poughkeepsie, I do fully support any woman’s quest to rake in the big bucks while she still matters. But why stop at stripper shoes, Snooks? Here are a few other products our favorite Guidette should slap her name on.

1. Bumpits
Umm… hello? Why hasn’t anyone ever thought of this before? Snooki was obviously this company’s main inspiration in the first place, thus she is the rightful woman to reap the benefits. (I actually think I saw commercials for this before I ever laid eyes on that breathtaking Guidette bump of hers, but who cares? No one does bumps like Snooki.)

2. Pickles
I know this might sound a bit unrealistic but I mean, really, if you think about it, how exciting can a typical pickle commercial truly get? That Vlasic Pickles duck’s got nothing on itty-bitty, teeny-weeny Snooki.

3. Tanning beds, lotions etc.
It’s one thing to go tanning. It’s another to get the deep, dark, sensual (slightly orange) skin tone of Miss Snooks. Who would want to use the plain ol’ regular shiz when your tanning experience can give you a one-of-a-kind Snooki Glow?

4. Mini dresses with built-in underwear
If you’ve ever watched the Jersey Shore you probably know a little something about Snooki’s tendency to – ehm – do back flips while battling on the dance floor. Instead of the cameras (or whoever’s watching) having to blur out your panty-less crotch – this new line of mini dresses will not stop you from having a good time…Snooki-style. (Really, girl, you should get a patent on this. You can thank me later.)

5. Condoms
Because – can you really think of anyone better to endorse safe sex?!

Senior Files: I’m Graduating as a Single Lady
Senior Files: I’m Graduating as a Single Lady
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