Gossip Cheat Sheet: Lindsay’s Going To Jail, Finally

Shizz went down this week: Biebs has a tat, Miley is still a bird, and George Lopez cheated on his wife (the same wife who GAVE HIM HER KIDNEY) with some hookers. You know, just another week.  Anyway, while it pains me that I know so much about the lives of these people, I’m happy to report the deets for all of you. I really am a martyr. You’re welcome.

Golden Nuggets of Information

1. Lindsay Lohan has a warrant out for her arrest with a bail set for $100,000! Lindsay was supposed to appear in court this week, but instead she went to Cannes to promote her new film Deep Throat, which hasn’t even been approved yet. When it was time for her to fly home, her passport was “stolen” but the police have no record of her reporting it stolen! Lindsay sent out an email asking friends for a private jet to get her back to L.A. so she wouldn’t miss her court date, but there was no such luck. (She shoulda called Doug Reinhardt, right?) So when she gets back to the States, she’ll be in the slammer. So….that’s 1 Lohan in jail, 3 to go?

2. Bret Michaels is back in the hospital! Boo, this is bad news! Bret was experiencing numbness in the left side of his body, and doctors found a hole in his heart. The condition is treatable, but he needs to take it easy. Bret is trying to get back to his career and wants to appear on the finale of Celebrity Apprentice, however especially after his recent brain hemorrhage, homeboy needs to rest. Get on that Rock of Love bus better soon, Bret!

3. Matt Lauer and his wife, Annette, are not getting divorced despite last week’s reports that Matt was cheating. He says he did not move out, and Annette also denied the allegations. I hoped this story wasn’t true from the beginning, so I’m glad these two are trying to move past the tabloid headlines.

4. John Travolta and Kelly Preston are expecting! This is so great for them, especially after the loss of their son, Jett, last year. And the couples’ two dogs were just killed this week in a freak accident at an airport in Maine. They need some good energy in their life right now, so yay!

5. Megan Fox won’t be in Transformers 3. She claims she walked, but reps for the movie are saying she was fired. Who’s telling the truth? My bet’s on Michael Bay. They want Shia to have another love interest (pick me!) in the film, which is code for you shouldn’t say that your director was like Hitler.

Bronze Pebbles of Info

1. Jesse James is whining as he goes to court for a conflict with a clothing company. He’s asking that they leave out any evidence relating to his sex life, Sandra Bullock, etc. Dude, those things reflect your character. Get over it.

2. Amanda “Minge” Seyfried and Dominic Cooper are reportedly on a break, and he was seen partying with Lindsay Lohan in Cannes. Get back together, I beg you. But first, Dominic, get an STD test. Who knows what Lindsay’s carrying around these days?

3. Scarlett Johansson’s mom, Melanie Sloan, adopted a baby girl named Fenan from Ethiopia! How cute is that?

4. James Franco is returning to General Hospital. Hooray! I don’t know if he can’t get other work, but I will watch anything that he’s on.

5. Weekly Hotness: Jennifer Aniston looks AH-MAY-ZING in a new Smart Water ad. Brad Pitt, go kick yourself now.

WTF Friday: Octomom Sells Out
WTF Friday: Octomom Sells Out
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