The Hills: Where’s Speidi??

OK. One question: where were Spencer and Heidi on last night’s episode of The Hills? I kept waiting for them to show up at the bar, sit down with Stephanie and Lo on their double date, and pop out of the couch cushions with some healing crystals when Kristin and Brody duked it out. But they were nowhere to be found.

Did they roadtrip to Mexico to get Heidi bigger boobs?
Go on a retreat where they sacrificed baby goats in the name of their new cult leader?
Kidnap Enzo and hide out in their house until Us Weekly promised them another cover?

The show just wasn’t the same without them. Sure, watching Kristin fail miserably at this whole “I’m really cool and I totally don’t want a relationship with Brody” facade was fun to watch, but it would have been way better if Spencer was there to slam some doors and perform healing breathing exercises. And watching Heidi try to emote would have been far more entertaining than watching Brody stir up the drama pot by throwing his new chicadee (a brunette LC look-alike) into a boiling pool of bitch.

But I guess it wasn’t a total loss of 30 minutes. We did get to see Stephanie Pratt’s impressive wardrobe (that sh*t couldn’t all fit into her walk-in closet!) and watch her have a mild meltdown about ordering a Coke on a first date. Seriously, she made it seem like she was going to order actual coke and use her straw to do lines off of Lo’s bare stomach on the table. Is it really that big of a deal to be sober on a first date, girl? It’s not like this kid doesn’t have the Internet; he clearly knows about your DUI. Hell, my MOM knows about your DUI. I think the bigger issue here is that you don’t know what lacrosse is. And, obvi, who your brother is.

But none of that mattered. Homeboy offered Steph his jacket, took her digits and asked her out on a second date. At least someone is having some luck with love around here, because things are not going well for Kristin. Of course, that’s what happens when you lie to the guy you’re sleeping with and try to pretend you’re totally OK with doin’ it casually and letting him borrow your crop top. Everyone knew that was all bullsh*t (I’m sure both Steph’s date AND my mom knew that was bullsh*t), but Kristin really tried to convince the world she was totes happy living the single life. Which is way more difficult now that she went cray cray on the Brode-man, told him to shut up, then stormed out of his house.

Way to keep it together, KC. This just proves (once again) that FWB doesn’t work, that someone always has more feelings than someone else and that Kristin is just another annoying girly girl.

$20 says she goes home and does drugs. I mean, her legs were looking really skinny last night….

Candy Dish: People Are Worried About Heidi Montag
Candy Dish: People Are Worried About Heidi Montag
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