The Hills: Justin Bobby’s Back

As we all know (hopefully), life in our twenties is not anything like that portrayed on The Hills. We will not be living in our own mansions or beach houses when we graduate college. We will not have closets full of Louboutins or friends with private airplanes. We will not spend our days eating at the finest restaurants and awkwardly staring at our friends across the table as Top 40 music plays in the background.

The show is just not real and it’s nearly impossible for anyone watching to relate to the lives those girls lead.

But for the first time last night, when Kristin and Stacie went on their man hunt, I actually did. Sure, Kristin was wearing designer clothes I’d never be able to afford and was drinking white wine at the bar (something I’d never do), but I finally felt like I could identify with her. I know I’ve had plenty of those nights where I make it my mission to get out there and find new boys. I put on my hottest outfit, add a little volumizer to my hair and prepare myself for a night filled with crowds of hot guys buying me drinks. Only, when the night actually happens, I end up sitting in the corner with my girls eying the door in hopes that someone hot will walk through it… and the only guys talking to me are the weirdos or the super old creepers who smell like body odor.

I may hate Kristin and her perfect wardrobe, but I really felt for her in that moment when she realized that she’d lost and Brody had won. When she knew that while he was at home canoodling with Mckaela (ugh, it’s even worse when the girl spells her name like that), Kristin was going home alone. Poor girl; she wasted a perfectly good outfit and about 150 calories, and the night was a major bust.

Thank god she’s got her personal trainer to vent to in the morning.

Meanwhile, Lo, Stephanie and Audrina put on their finest rocker gear and hit up some music showcase for Audrina’s fake job. And – surprise! – Justin Bobby’s band was playing. There was a lot of “should we stay or should we go,” but Audrina couldn’t look away from sweaty JB rockin’ out on the drums. And I couldn’t either; it was like a trainwreck. He looked so scary with him mouth all open and sh*t. Anyway, somewhere between the “ED STANLEY!” cheers from the crowd and Justin tearing off all his clothes, Lo warned Audrina to tell Ryan Cabrera (who, by the way, is getting more and more annoying by the minute) that they ran into him. Honestly, the way Lo made it out, you’d think Audrina got naked and humped JB on the drum set. Is it really that big of a deal that she happened to see his band play? Is that cheating in Ryan’s book?

And more importantly, what sort of “tour” is Ryan Cabrera going on, anyway? Has that kid made any music since his Ashlee Simpson days?

But I digress. Audrina doesn’t tell Ryan about her Justin Bobby interlude and then gets cozy with him at the club. (I smell scandal! Or maybe Justin Bobby farted?) It’s fine, though. What Ryan doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right? I mean, it’s not like Audrina has cameras following her around or that this exact moment will be shown on MTV 12 times a day for the next 3 months. Her secret is totally safe.

Personally, though, I’m hoping he does find out. That kid is far too happy/chipper/talks like the guy from Blue’s Clues and I really want to see what he looks like mad. Plus, without Speidi (or even drunk Holly), the show just isn’t as fun to watch anymore. Bring on the drama!

Candy Dish: Miley Cyrus is Ruffling Some Feathers
Candy Dish: Miley Cyrus is Ruffling Some Feathers
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