Here at CollegeCandy, we’re suckers for a good trashy reality show. Which is why I’ve decided to highlight my favorite trashy reality franchise: The Real Housewives. It’s the The Hills in 30+ years, chock full of cougars, bubbies, designer clothes and countless bottles of Pinot Grigio. What’s not to love? Well, besides annoying-ass Vicki Gundelson…
Since I just spent 8 hours on a beautiful Sunday mesmerized by these “ladies” (the jury is still out on Kelly’s gender at birth), I’ve decided to count down the top ten best moments in Housewives history. Which, mind you, was incredibly difficult to narrow down. (Sorry there’s not enough Atlanta loving in the mix; I’m not up to date on that series.)
Did I miss one? Let me know your favorite Housewives moment in the comments. But for now, kick back, relax and relive the moments.
Teresa Giudice of the Real Housewives of New Jersey showcases her H.I.T. (housewives in training) daughters as they light up their screen in their neon pink outfits, huge flowers in their hair, posing in a way that Tyra would be proud of, and in their most guidette voice, “Fabuloussssssss!”
9. Anything involving Grandma Wrinkles
Dina Manzo loves her kitty cats. But I just can’t help to love to hate her Mr. Bigglesworth lookalike furless friend. Top Play? When Grandma Wrinkles gets a bath in the kitchen sink. Really? Can’t get enough of Grandma Wrinkles on television? Don’t worry. She, like most of the housewives, has a Twitter detailing her life with Dina and, of course, Ladybug.
8. Money Can’t Buy Ya Class (but it can buy you glittery bell bottoms and a skeevy producer to mix your track)
There’s not much to say about the Countess’ clear breakaway hit. Listening to her in the recording studio was a real treat for me, but the even better delight was my inability to get this song stuck out of my head for the next three weeks.
7. Ramona runs the Runway at Brooklyn Fashion Week(end)
Let’s see, if the side pony, the stomping down the runway, or dealing with the fact that Brooklyn Fashion Week even exists (why?) weren’t enough to handle– Ramona just kept the hits coming when she stormed the runway with her signature crazyface and bulging eyes. For a moment, I couldn’t tell if I had accidentally sat on the remote and changed the channel to RuPaul’s Drag Race. Blech.
The demise of the original mean girl, Miss Zarin herself. When Jill decided to pop down to St. John to “surprise” her “besties” – 2 of whom hated her (Bethenny and Alex), 1 of whom just wanted the conversation to go back to sex (Sonja) and the other who was hellbent on the comfort of her guests post-traumatic Kelly Bensimon Blowpop breakdown (Ramona) – let’s just say it did not go according to plan. Interrupting the pedicure sesh left Jill high and dry in her G5 with the elusive Bobby (props on the Kodak polo shirt, buddy) crying the entire way to St. Lucia. Boo. Hoo.
5. University of Vicki
Here we have a classic case of partying past your prime. Ladies, take note. Flip cup and beer pong is all good and funtimes now, but please, please don’t pull a Vicki Gunvalson of the Real Housewives of Orange County. Ms. Vicki decided to show up at her son’s dorm room and start throwing back Coors Light like she was being initiated into a frat. Wow. Awk. Ward.
4. “You know what Bethenny? We are done.”
Jill Zarin calls Bethenny Frankel out. On speakerphone. With the Countess next to her. And the little chihuahua listening too. Bethenny apologizes, Jill denies her. Jill apologizes and brings latkes as a peace offering (gross?) and Bethenny denies her. I’m sure you can see where this is going. Basically the whole thing has just spun off to a new show where Bethenny whines about finding a white dress to fit over her shotgun wedding bump in her belly and drives around Manhattan in her Skinny Girl Volkswagen, bitching to Jason that she needs more jars to contain things. Needless to say, I will be tuning in.
3. Kim Sings? Oh, no. No, she doesn’t.
Don’t be Tardy for the Party.
2. Kelly Bensimon’s Breakdown on “Scary Island”
In one of the more disturbing moments of the Real Housewives, Kelly Bensimmon has a full-fledged Britney circa 2007 meltdown on television. From her crazed ramblings to the gummi bears, this was a breakdown not soon to be forgotten. She references Al Sharpton, vampires and, of course, the obvious lesbian love affair between Ramona and Bethenny. W-o-w.
1. The Table Flip
Did you really think I could leave this out? In the most defining moment of the Real Housewives franchise, Teresa of New Jersey flips a table upon Danielle Staub telling her to “Pay attention, puh-lease” in regards to her story of multiple name changes, drug and gun possession, kidnapping and just being a scary warped sea creature biatch. Teresa does not take kindly to this sentiment and starts screaming a slew of insults and flips the dinner table over as Joe restrains her and she incoherently rambles on. Now that’s why we watch reality TV.