Glamour Says The Darndest Things: July Edition

I was not excited to pick up the July edition of Glamour. Am I the only one who has a mildly irrational dislike of Jessica Biel? I mean, it’s not like she’s relevant enough to be impossible to escape, and I’ve finally gotten therapy grown up and accepted the fact that I will never be Mrs. Timberlake, so it’s not her long-term relationship with Justin that bothers me. And, I mean, really, how could I possibly hate on someone with such a killer body? And yet, every time I see a photo of her, I kind of make a Blair Waldorf face.

Then, when I opened the magazine, there was an ad for Uggs (vom) and in it, the female model was wearing a dress. With bare legs. And it was clearly summer. I thought we collectively let that go in 2004. Sigh.

Continuing to flip through the magazine, I didn’t see anything else particularly offensive (but did you know there are personal trainers for your vagina?! And there are vaginal weights?!) Then I got to this article entitled “The Hardest Words for a Guy To Say Are…” Oh lovely, yet another article detailing the ways in which boys refuse to be human. According to Glamour, these are the phrases dudes find it most difficult to spit out:

Glamour says: ”A little help, please?”
Jasmine says: I think this severely underestimates the intelligence of the average non-douche. The majority of guys who are in healthy and functional relationships are comfortable with asking for a little help every now and then, whether it’s with advanced calculus homework or beer pong strategy.

Glamour says: “Can you save your yoga pants for yoga?”
Jasmine says: Apparently guys don’t like when you come home and immediately change into your comfiest pants. Because most guys lounge around in Chuck Bass robes, and not ratty t-shirts and shorts. Maybe if a guy is sick of seeing his girlfriend in house clothes, he should….take her out on a date?

Glamour says: “I need some dude time.”
Jasmine says: Is this really an issue in a substantial number of relationships? I don’t know any woman who wants to spend every waking moment with her boyfriend. I don’t know any woman who doesn’t have her own life, and her own interests, and friendships that are not connected to her boyfriend’s. We need our girls-only brunches and pregames to Lady GaGa like boys need their bromance time.

Glamour says: “Your friend is horrible.”
Jasmine says: This is sticky. If “horrible” means “toxic”/”dangerous”/”abusive”, then I would see how this would be a difficult topic to breach, especially if the friend is someone who is at “BFF” status. But if horrible just equals “mildly annoying”, then dudes need to get over it. If we have to deal with their friend who completely abuses “that’s what she said”/”your mom”, then they should be able to endure our friend who can’t stop talking about Speidi. We’re all grown ups, and part of adulthood is being forced to politely and civilly deal with douchemonsters. Tis life.

Glamour says: “I love you.”
Jasmine says: I am just emotionally stunted enough to not hate on this. I would be absolutely terrified to initiate the first “I love you.” The worst case scenario (your love being unrequited) is heartbreaking enough to rationalize this fear. But if you truly love someone, saying it is an act of bravery that can ultimately lead to an eternity of bliss (or at least a solid semester…)

Candy Dish: Kim Kardashian the next Lara Croft?
Candy Dish: Kim Kardashian the next Lara Croft?
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