Tuffy Luv Tackles Long Distance Love

Question for Tuffinski?! For a chance to be featchad  in dis heah column, email her at [email protected].

Dear Tuffy Luv,
So here’s the deal. Exactly three months ago I met this guy. We are both Seniors in college. We figured we would date and keep things casual and just have fun these last couple months of college but there’s a problem: we fell in love. We both tried to ignore it but one drunken night we admitted this to each other. In about two weeks I will be flying back home 3,000 miles away. I have to come back next semester for a few courses to finish up my degree so I will only be gone 3 months, the length of our relationship thus far.

I have always believed that long distance relationships, especially this long of a distance, would never work out, but I am willing to fight for him and what we have. We had a discussion the other night and he is willing to fight for it too, but seeing as neither one of us has experience with an LDR his next question was “how do we make this work?” and I had no idea how to answer that question since I never even slightly considered an LDR until him. So I come to you, Tuffy, begging and pleading on my knees as to how do I hold on to this extremely special guy I found when I wasn’t expecting it?! I know it’s going to be hard work and I know that it seems impossible and might not work out, but there has got to be some way to hold on to what we have just a little longer. I find myself lost in the movie “The Holiday” and want so badly for a happy ending like theirs. I know it’s most likely unattainable and totally fictitious but I’m just so happy when I am with him.

Tuffy, how do we make this work?

From,
Head Over Heels

Dear Head Over Heels,

Well, chances are, it won’t work. You’ve only been together for three months, so you don’t really know him well enough yet to know if you even SHOULD be together long-term. Let’s face it: Most relationships end. But, girrrrrrl!! You are just the sweetest strawberry in the patch. You seem so sincere. I wanna say, if anyone can make it work, it’d be someone like you.

So here are a few things you must keep in mind.
And here are some tipsies! (Use them well!)

(1) Set Phone Dates!
Hold each other to specific times that you will be on the phone together. Make an actual calendar–for example, “Monday – 6pm; Tuesday – 10pm; etc.” Tuffy’s a fan of Google Calendar–you can share a calendar and just plug in the times you’re gonna talk, and even set up reminders. This way, you’ll be guaranteed to speak at least when you’ve set up these times. And, of course, feel free to call each other whenever you just feel like it, too.

(2) Don’t Talk (Much) Online
This is a false step that a lot of long distance couples get caught up in. They start chatting online–and never stop. When you chat endlessly, you run out of things to say. We’re all familiar with this little conversation:
GIRL: Hi
GUY: Sup
GIRL: Nm, you?
GUY: Nm. Miss you.
GIRL: You too.
GUY: BRB
Don’t fall into this trap!! Chat only when you gots somethin to say. Otherwise, call and have a real conversation. It will MUCH benefit your long distance (or any) relationship.

(3) Mail Each Other Stuff
Find little articles or poems or pressed flowers or even small gifts that remind you guys of each other. Mail those suckers!! It’s so exciting to get mail these here days, and, anyway, it keeps you guys thinking of each other! Make it a goal to each mail something at least once a week.

(4) Set Clear-Cut Rules
Make sure you both understand the conditions of the relationship. What’s okay and what isn’t? What are the boundaries of the relationship, now that it’s long-distance? Are you allowed to dance with other people at a club or is that not cool? Make sure you both know the rules.

(5) Don’t Linger Endlessly on the Phone
When you run out of things to say, say I love you and call it a night. Don’t drag on conversations just to stay on the phone. Talking will start to feel like a chore.

(6) Don’t Fight
It’s very stressful to disagree long-distance. You can’t read the other person when they’re not physically in front of you, EVEN if you’re video-chatting. And you certainly can’t kiss and make up after. Try to remember that you’re both going to be more on edge and that things may not be as bad as they seem. If you start to fight, try to calm down and bring it back to a level of conversation and then, once it’s resolved and no one’s angry, don’t stay on the phone. Sending a little “I love you” text couldn’t hurt.

If you’re lucky (and, honey, I have a feeling you are), Tuffy Readers will weigh in with some thoughts of their own on how to survive a LDR.

Good luck, girl!
Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

College Q&A: Can I Date My T.A.?
College Q&A: Can I Date My T.A.?
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