Gossip Cheat Sheet: Lindsay’s Still Drinking. Who’s Surprised?

Poor Lindsay. With all the cheating scandals behind us, we celebrity-obsessed gossip hunters had nothing to do this week but focus our attention on Lilo’s first week of “sobriety.” Which, if you aren’t living under a rock, we all know didn’t go so well. But it did go better than Lady Gaga‘s trip to the Mets game. And life in general for those Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Oh, celebs. Let’s review this week’s biggest and baddest gossip stories.

Muy Importante

1. Beep Beep goes Lindsay Lohan’s SCRAM bracelet! It went off less than a week after it was strapped on. Color me shocked. Actually, color me the opposite of shocked…what is that, gray? Apparently, Lilo’s claiming that she did not drink and alcohol was “spilled” on her SCRAM bracelet. Because everyone is going to believe cracked out Lindsay over a highly scientific piece of equipment. And let’s be real: how on earth could vodka soak through a sequin pantsuit?

2. Globe Magazine publishes Gary Coleman’s final days. Why someone would have the audacity to do this I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure his gold-digging ex-wife, Shannon Price, needed the moolah. R.I.P Gary.

3. Real Housewives of New Jersey’s Teresa Giudice is in a lot of debt. 11 million smackeroos, to be exact. And I can’t imagine why. She’s so frugal and down to earth! Unfortunately, that means she’s gotta put her palatial NJ mansion on the market. (Editor’s Note: I wonder if she’s going to return her bubbies?) And it could be yours for a cool $3.9 million. That is, of course, if you want to live in New Jersey. (ZING!)

4. Lady Gaga loves the Mets. So much so that she showed up to their game in a hot set of lingerie. When a fellow fan snapped her photo and posted it on Twitter, homegirl gave the entire stadium a piece of her mind, shocking the world by flipping the bird. What I’m shocked about though, is that she put her nearly bare butt on a gnarly baseball stadium seat. Ewww.

5. Shawn King, Larry King’s wife, attempted suicide. After rumors swirled about how King slept with his wife’s sister for many years, she was found unconscious at her home on May 28th. While originally assumed to be an accidental drug overdose, two suicide notes were later discovered. So sad. I really, really hope she gets the help and support she needs to take care of her two kids.

Less Importante:

1. Michael Lohan is opening a new nightclub aptly called, “CONTROVERSY.” Too bad Lindsay can no longer keep him in business.

2. January Jones gets caught by the paps for doing a a major WALK OF SHAME. Paps snapped a photo of her exiting the cab in the morning wearing the same dress she wore the night before. Uhhh Jan, this isn’t college. Get it together, girl. Hollywood isn’t as forgiving as the drunk frat boys who live next door.

3. Heidi Montag filed for legal separation from Flesh Beard. Or at least that’s what she wants us to believe. We’ll see the truth (on MTV) soon enough.

4. Liam Hemsworth is off the market. Looks like Hottie Hemsworth is digging Miley’s new look.

5. In honor of this week’s Glee season finale, let’s get a look at yummy Cory Monteith looking all cute and Canadian. Mmm mmm good.

Miley Makes a Very Good Point
Miley Makes a Very Good Point
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