The CC Weekly Weigh In: Awkward Times at the Gyno

No matter how you slice it, visiting the gyno is awkward. Not only do you have to expose yourself in the most unflattering way to your doctor (and the nurse who is required to be in there), but you gotta do it while he or she makes small talk from between your legs.

“How’s your day?”
“How are classes going?”
“How many sexual partners have you had?”

[Cue the look of disappointment and the lecture on safe sex.]

I don’t know about you, but whenever I walk into my gyno’s office I always feel the need to prepare her for what she’s about to see. “Uh, just so you know, it’s winter so, uhhhh, yeah, I haven’t really done much, uhhhh, maintenance down there in, erm, a few months.” She promises me she’s not looking and that she’s seen it all before and then she comes at me with some metal tools, one of which looks eerily similar to that thing you use to clean the toilet. And then it’s done. You put on your pants, she bids you adieu and you’re on your way….with a little less pep in your step than on your way in.

But sometimes things get even weirder (how could they not when you’re spread eagle with your junk in someone’s face?), like my most recent appointment involving a doctor who left me to grab a phone call mid-exam. (Let’s just say it was windy down there.) It was traumatizing, but upon telling my friends the story (who all thought it was just HILARIOUS), I learned that everyone’s had a particularly uncomfortable trip to the gyno. And I wanted to hear them. So this week I asked the CollegeCandy writers to share their most awkward and traumatizing gyno experiences. Hard to believe, but reading these hurts me more than an actual appointment.

Rachael – University of Miami: The first time I went to the gyno, she asked if I was sexually active. I looked at my mom, who I’d said could stay in the room, and the two of us burst out laughing. Obviously, the answer was no.

Brittany – University of Saint Thomas: I suppose my most awkward experience isn’t too brutal. But when the lady held up her metal instrument and said, “OK, I’m goin in” my soul shrunk a size.

Nina – Michigan State University: It was my first time, and she’s like “Are you sexually active?” And for a second, in the process of freaking out, I forgot what that meant. So I said no. It was the shortest gyno visit ever…

Sarabeth – University of Texas: My worst/most awkward gyno experience was my first one. I went to my mom’s doctor, so she felt the need to tag along and go into the room with me, and then when it came time to ask for a prescription of birth control I got lectured about how an unmarried girl such as myself shouldn’t need birth control… FROM THE DOCTOR.

Lauren – University of Michigan: I had extreme stomach pains one day so I went to the health center. The doctor there told me she had to rule out pregnancy and STDs (for a stomachache!?), so she did a pelvic exam on me and gave me an STD test. As I opened the door (which led into the waiting area), she handed me the lab work and said, “OK Lauren, take this gonorrhea test upstairs to the lab and they’ll get back to you.” I looked over and my T.A. was sitting in the waiting room. He waved. I waved. Then I ran away as fast as I could.

Alex – University of South Carolina:  I went for the first time when I was sixteen and she asked me if I was sexually active.  When I said no, she looked up at me from the exam and said, “Honey, maybe you can fool your mother, but I don’t believe that for a second.”  Sad part was, I was telling the truth.

Jessica – Delaware: When I was getting a pelvic exam at Student Health, the gyno decided I would be a good guinea pig for a brand new intern to practice on.  An intern with a shaky hand who had not had much (read: any) experience with a speculum or a vagina before. Needless to say, I walked funny for a couple of days, and not for a good reason.

Leah – Ryerson University: My boyfriend at the time left some marks on my chest after a weekend away and I got very disapproving looks from my doctor when I went in.

Alex – Lakehead University: I find the fact that my doctor delivered me and also does my gyno exams awkward. He’s seen me naked more than I care to think about!

Emmy-Loyola University Chicago: Male gynos just shouldn’t be allowed. Enough said.

Norah – Drake University: Mid-exam, my gyno tells me she hopes her daughter grows up to be a lot like me. It was sweet, but not exactly the best timing…

Sara C – Fordham: I was once told by a gyno that my “vagina doesn’t look pregnant.” Great to know, because (a) vaginas can’t get pregnant, and (b) I could better evaluate the thoroughness of the exam, which is to say not very.

Charlsie – Hollins University: Last time I had a pap smear, the nurse practitioner at my school told me I had herpes. She grabbed a mirror to show me, while I was all up in the stirrups and on the table, and then failed to point out exactly what she was talking about. Her reply was “Well, it was there a minute ago. Now it’s not — but I know you have it.” This was before she tested me or asked me any questions about my sexual history and background. Of course, I was hysterical even though I was about 99.9% sure there was no possible way I would have it. Sure enough, when the test came back — I didn’t have it. However, she called me to tell me about the results and said “Unfortunately, you don’t have herpes.” What kind of doctor wants a patient to have an STD?

Candy Dish: Lindsay Lohan’s Pushing Everyone Away
Candy Dish: Lindsay Lohan’s Pushing Everyone Away
  • 10614935101348454