’90s-palooza: Our Dream Summer Music Festival

Dig your crop tops out of your closet, iron some patches on to your jean jacket, and sprinkle on some body glitter because we’re planning the ultimate ’90s Throwback Summer Festival.

It’s going to be hotter than Kate Winslet’s hand on a steamy car window and we’re here to give you an all-access pass to the excitement. We got stand-up comedian Joey Gladstone hosting the event, Alex Mac reciting the 10 things she hates about cliché ’90s movies, and Carl Winslow running the security team. And in between all that jam-packed action, we’re re-introducing your absolute favorite performers from the ’90s.

Contact us today (IluvZachMorris@AOL.com) to get details on how to win a cassette recording of the entire event.

Over on the Hip-Hop/Rock Stage we’ve got the creatively-named Coolio (Awesomeio!), the parent-approved-is-this-even-rap? Will Smith, and one-hit British wonder Chumbawhumba performing their greatest hits.

Take a left at the set of Never Been Kissed and you’ll run into our Tiger Beat section, otherwise known as our Boy Band Stage. Look for the long-haired-yet-somehow-sexually-appealing boys of Hanson; the A&F marketing team LFO; the wannabe Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees; and fan favorites Jesse and the Rippers.

Head straight on until you pass the clearance sale on Jellies and you’ll see our ultimate Girl Power Stage. And no, Spice Girls won’t be performing. They said no more tours once Baby hit 40. Instead we have an all-star line-up that kicks off with a heartfelt and realistic duet between Brandy and Monica followed by a tribute to TLC. Last but not least, the least sexually provocative of the ’90s girls, Mandy Moore, will take the stage.

Of course this is just a dream (hey it could happen!) and is totes not happening this summer. But I think we all would gladly take this kind of summer festival over the wannabe-hippie drugfest that is Bonnaroo and the somehow-still-selling-out Dave Matthews concerts. So here’s to hoping we can pull it together for 2011. If so, you’ll definitely spot me in the back with my devil sticks, wearing my signature blue dress with the stain that just won’t come out!

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