American Apparel Is Going Down

A few months ago, we questioned the sanity of the designers behind American Apparel. Walking into one of their stores is like walking into the brain of someone with multiple personalities: to the left, the perfect hoodie. To the right, a shiny, gold body suit. Wha???

Some might argue American Apparel is a store for everyone (well, everyone but plus size shoppers), but now that rumors are circulating that AA is on it’s way to bankruptcy (holy hell, what are hipsters going to do?!), we’re beginning to think it’s actually a store for no one. At least no one sane.

When it comes down to it, we’re not surprised by this news. Between their pornographic ads, their super shady CEO and well, the crazy sh*t they’re hawking, we’re shocked this hipster haven lasted this long. I mean, really, who’s buying this stuff:

$33 for camel toe wrapped in a bow? I’ll pass.

I guess these pants would come in handy for my slutty Princess Jasmin costume for Halloween next year, but besides that, I’m pretty sure these M.C. Hammer pants aren’t flying off the shelves.

It’s hard to sell a gold lame bodysuit when even the super-skinny model favored by American Apparel’s chief skeez-ball, Dov Charney, looks like a shiny sausage in it. Unzip that thing and who knows what’s going to spill out?

Let’s play a game. It’s called “Think of an event this nipple-baring shirt would be appropriate for.”

It’s bad enough that this exists (without the convenient butt-flap, I might add!), but it’s only worse that American Apparel attempted to turn it into something sexy. There’s nothing sexy about one-piece flannel PJs. Nothing at all.

I’m sorry, how does one (who doesn’t want to expose her nips) incorporate this mesh body suit into an ensemble?

Ah, the ever-coveted polyester, high-waisted, pleated pant with complimentary mom-butt. Every woman’s dream.

Nipple chafing aside, raise your hand if you’d want your guy in a mesh tank.

While I’m not a fan of shiny leggings, there are some girls who can make them work, usually with the help of a butt-covering top. But high-waisted shiny leggings? I predict about .05% of the population in this country can pull these off (that is, of course, assuming they can pull them on).

The Know: Your Favorite Cocktails, Now Low-Cal!
The Know: Your Favorite Cocktails, Now Low-Cal!
  • 10614935101348454