Celebrity Dating Advice: How To Get Your Man to Commit

Getting a man is tough stuff.  Getting a man to marry you…now that’s nearly impossible.  Luckily the stars can once again be our guides and help sad women everywhere navigate the rocky path to monogamy.  Get out a paper and pencil; you’ll want to remember all the golden advice recent celebrity brides are doling out.

Megan Fox

Do you wonder how nub thumbs found love?  It definitely wasn’t her intellect that attracted Brian Austin Green.  Dumb it down, way down, as you flaunt your boobs into a stable marriage based on good looks and empty conversation.  Take a note from our pro Megan: big words are off putting, just get some bootleg Angelina tattoos and never read something thicker than a comic book.  Follow these steps and soon you’ll be calling a 90210 has-been your husband.

Carrie Prejean

Homophobia is the newest aphrodisiac, apparently.  After bashing the gays’ right to marry, Ms. Prejean has somehow found true love with a good (and straight) man.  And he’s a quarterback!  Take note, men love a woman who hates on equal rights.  It’s unannounced whether the wedding vows will double as a platform speech on what it defines marriage and family, though you can guess Carrie will be glowing with hetero pride as she says her I Do’s.

Sienna Miller

Want to be more forgiving?  Take your ex-fiancé back after he cheats on you with the nanny.  Want to rebound?  Do it with a married man (but please make sure his children aren’t on the boat while you sun topless with their dad). Class is overrated when it comes to the desires of the male species.  Steal a few tricks from Sienna’s playbook and maybe Jude Law will be crawling under your sheets the night before his wedding.  It should be noted that a desirable woman also turns her head to her husband’s indiscretions.

Miranda Kerr

Just be a pretty person.  Like the earth shatteringly, heartbreakingly gorgeous type of pretty.  Men who look like Orlando Bloom don’t date ogres.

Bethenny Frankel

Her desire to become a proper housewife of New York drove her to…oops!…accidentally get pregnant with her BFs baby.  If your dude doesn’t want to commit to you, just trick him and throw a kid in the mix.  Remember: a shotgun wedding is a wedding all the same.

Jane Lynch

If all else fails, there are always women…

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