We’re all well aware of the friends every girl needs, but what about the friends nobody wants? Is there anything more annoying than having to avoid a friend that you hate? It’s like, “stop calling me every day and messaging me on Facebook all the time and showing up in my bedroom when I’m sleeping.”
No matter how mean you are or how many times you send out restraining orders, these are the friends that keep clawing their way back into our lives.
1. The Clinger
The clinger’s ability to latch on to you and never ever let go puts any reoccurring STD to shame. She’s running next to you at the gym, She’s ordering shots next to you a the bar, and she’s lathering right alongside you as your shower. Your subtle text messages, “do not come over tonight under any circumstances or I will spike your drink with laxatives” don’t seem to have any impact on her willingness to always be right by your side.
2. The Pauper
The pauper actually gets herself off on complaining about being poverty-stricken, despite being comfortably middle class. It’s hard to avoid her since she’s been sleeping on your couch for the past 6 months – it’s not like she afford rent on top of going out every night. She’ll not only make you feel guilty about doing any shopping outside of the dollar store, but she’ll also make you feel like a complete a-hole for hesitating when she asks you to pick-up her bar tab, buy her new notebooks for class, and get her a year-long Match.com membership.
3. The Millionaire
The millionaire not only grew up with a silver spoon in her mouth, but also 6 credit cards, and a bundle of foreign currency. She likes nothing more than to literally light a fire and burn money right in front of your eyes. When she’s not using dollar bills to clean off her Blackberry screen, she’s explaining the (OMG so obvious) benefits of $150 white tank tops.
4. The Ego Maniac
The Ego Maniac booked such a long power trip that you’re not sure that she’ll make it back in time to start her year-long expedition riding on the world’s highest horse. She doesn’t brush her teeth or walk down the stairs without updating her Twitter to tell everyone how well she did it. Needless to say, She’s not at all interested in your life unless she can somehow figure out how spin the recent death of your grandmother into a story of how the Starbucks barista complimented her on her coffee ordering skills.
5. The Planner
The planner is the ringleader of incredible fun and unforgettable good times within your group of friends. Or so she thinks in her head as she manically pencils in lunch dates and Facebook chat sessions six months from now. Everyone else refers to her as the Nazi that made you sleep on the sidewalk for a week while you waited in line for concert tickets that didn’t even sell out.
6. The Complainer
The complainer alternates between wallowing around in self pity and sighing until someone finally asks what’s wrong. And something is always wrong. Her computer froze for 6 minutes at work or everyone keeps chanting Eeyore whenever she speaks or, God forbid, her shoelace came untied when she was walking.
7. The Klepto
Forget leaving your wallet with her while you go to the bathroom or letting her spend time alone in your apartment unsupervised. The klepto will shamelessly pocket everything that’s not permanently attached to you. It’s absolutely amazing you how many times one of your possessions go missing just as the klepto finds the exact same one-of-a-kind item at some store on that street by that corner in that place.
8. The Social Media Junkie
Any amount of time spent with the social media junkie is meticulously recorded on Twitter and Facebook. Jackie is meeting up with John. Jackie is asking John what is up. Jackie is wondering why John always has last minute work things whenever they’re supposed to hang out. Jackie is so alone.
9. The Flirt
Forget ever picking up any guys when you’re out with the flirt becaue she has an amazing abilty to entice every single guy she meets. She’s a pro at the seductive arm grab and the “throw your head back and laugh while making sure your hair stays in place.” She’ll shamelessly go after any guy you’re interested in just to prove she’s sexier than you — her boyfriend be damned.