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Glamour Says the Darndest Things: August Edition


I always forget that I kind of love Vanessa Hudgens. She’s currently pretty irrelevant to my interests, but I mean, let’s think about it – her hair is a work of art that totally deserves a place in the Louvre. She’s hitting it with Zac Efron, in all of his post-Disney hotness, and, not gonna lie, I still occasionally jam out to Say Ok. I don’t exactly know how she’s still snagging major magazine covers, but whatever, she’s glamorous.

However, she’s also boring and forgettable, which is kind of a theme throughout this month’s issue of Glamour. (Great cover choice, editors!) There was no article that was particularly riveting or helpful, and there was no article that was completely atrocious.

But there were definitely some flashes of hot mess.

Glamour says: If your man consistently finishes in 20 seconds and leaves you hanging, be passive aggressive and then talk to him about it.
Jasmine says: If your guy has a problem with premature ejaculation/selfishness, talk to him like a grown-up. You two are grown-ups who have sex, right? Don’t embarrass him or be unnecessarily childish about the situation.

Glamour says: Being naked with someone is a pact, a sacred oath.
Jasmine says: I don’t think anything is sacred after 6 Jager bombs, 4 shotguns, and 4 glasses of wine.

Glamour says:It’s okay to be deathly afraid of needles, spiders, and clowns. Makes you interesting, right?
Jasmine says: Okay, I’m completely terrified of all three of the above, but they’re totally the most banal, least quirky traits ever. None of them at least compete with, like, a phobia of clouds or something (I totally know someone who claims she does. Yes, she was also the same girl who would fake concussions in elementary school). How does a fear of spiders make you interesting? Doesn’t that make you more like 80% of the population?

Glamour also asked a bunch of dudes when the last time a girl made them cry:

“I cried when I broke off the wedding.”

“I cried when I kissed somebody else.”

To quote the so very wise Spencer Pratt, dudes, you’re making YOURSELF cry. Seriously, those tears weren’t because of the ladies in your life. Those tears were because you had moments when you were confronted with the full extent of your stupidity and you didn’t know how to respond.

Which is making me cry. Thanks.

Mariah Carey's closet is what I see when I dream at night. Email me at stilettosandpearlnecklaces [at]!