For those of you living under a rock (or in a cubicle thanks to that stupid unpaid internship deal) these past couple of days, Lindsay “Lilo” Lohan has been sentenced to 90 days in the slammer for….A LOT OF THINGS: cocaine possession, tampering with her SCRAM bracelet, driving drunk on the freeway…the list goes on. Sadness for Linds (and the paparazzi who will have nothing to do for 3 months.
Even worse, thanks to her nice little message (“F**K U”) painted on her nails in court, Ms. Lohan may be spending even more time behind bars for contempt of court. Buuuurn.
We’re all about punishing Lindsay for all of her less-than-flattering indiscretions, but if Linds is getting bonus jail time for writing F U on her nails, she better be getting even more for these crimes against humanity:
Her spread (eagle) in Muse Magazine
Not only was this pretty much the worst idea ever for “cleaning up your image,” but haven’t we seen enough of her boobage without having a professional photographer involved?
Her performance (or lack therof) in Georgia Rule
If I missed an entire day of my internship, I’d get the boot. Lilo should get an extra day in the clink for every hour she wasted on set.
I Know Who Killed Me
Daddy issues are a reason to be incarcerated, right?
One word: Ungaro
The entire fashion world was issuing Ms. Lohan fashion tickets for this hot mess of a collaboration. Making women wear this? Go to jail, Linds. Go directly to jail.
The only thing that should be that color orange is her jumpsuit. ZING!
This is 100% assault. On my eyes. She needs to be punished.
Her relationship with Aaron Carter
It’s bad enough that she dated one of the biggest losers in Hollywood, but she also stole said loser from good girl and major sweetheart, Hilary Duff. Thieves get jail time, yes?
Lilo really needs to stop crying about this whole “90 day” thing. By our calculations, she’s getting off easier than Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton combined.