It’s Complicated: It’s Not Just a Facebook Status

[The following post was written by dating coach, Kira Sabin, a keg of dating and relationship wisdom. She’s been helping people find love for years so we thought we’d tap this keg and see what sort of brilliant advice she has for the CollegeCandy readers. Drink up, ladies.]

I think it was the genius singer-songwriter Avril Lavigne who brought up the ever important question…”Why did you have to go and make things so complicated?”

Man, do we complicate things. Sometimes things are so easy, almost simple, and we somehow make things harder than they are. We add feelings where they don’t exist, we try to have “the talk” before we even know someone’s good and not so good stuff, we have sex way too soon in a relationship (yeah…I said it), we put up a wall, get clingy, project our crap….the list goes on and on. At the end of the day we are all just trying to connect. Build. Share. Learn. Love. That’s it. It is a human need, it is us who complicates it.

Let me give you an example.

I have actually had female clients and friends that have told me a story that ends with “well he says he just not interested in dating right now…what do you think that means?” What do I think that means? Well, as someone who has started to speak fluent manspeak I will translate it for you. It means “he isn’t interested in dating right now.” Yup, that’s it. But women will sit and drink wine with their friends for hours and deliberate the whole entire dating relationship to decipher this cryptic message. They turn into the modern day Nancy Drew looking for clues into what happened. Here is some of the answers I have heard.

“He got scared of getting too close.”
“He was intimidated by your success.”
“He must not be over his ex.”
“He likes you TOO much.”

Wha?

OK, I wasn’t in those relationships. I have absolutely no idea what happened. But here is what I do know: He isn’t interested. That’s it. That is all you need to know. Somehow all of the stuff that brought him and you to that point just isn’t the right match for him. It isn’t personal. Most likely it has nothing to do with you, it just isn’t right.

So really, is it that complicated?

This week, work on uncomplicating things. Let go of the feeling that it is all about you and just have fun with it. Get to know someone for the pure pleasure of understanding another person and their differences. Build a connection with the intention of sharing, instead of trying to manipulate it and figure what will happen in the future. It probably won’t happen that way anyhow. Give a hug…because you can.

Once you start to uncomplicate, you can just enjoy the journey. Isn’t that the point?

Ready to uncomplicate things?  Join me for the College Candy Dating Makeover starting soon!

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