July 13th, 2010: A Day That Will Go Down In History

Y’all, this is a huge day in history.  I’m talking epic.  Sure, the owner of the Yankees died.  Yawn, sports suck.  And I’m certainly not implying that BP has finally plugged up that nasty oil hole.  Whatever.  I hate shrimp, anyway.  Plus the ocean was totally overpopulated.

Anyway, who cares about those trivial things when the icon of the century, nay the millennium, has reconsidered his relationship with a certain straggly beard?  No, George Clooney didn’t dump his “girlfriend.”  Far better.

Brad Pitt shaved his beard!

Perhaps the guy at Peet’s Coffee made one too many Jack Sparrow jokes.  Maybe airport security became a hassle to get through as he increasingly resembled Osama Bin Laden. Was he tired of losing the twins in there? Or could it be that Angelina simply threw her hands up in the air and yelled, “Just shave it already”?

Whatever the reason, millions of women the world over are elated as Brad’s chin makes its first appearance in almost two years.  Work is canceled; a national holiday has been declared.  Go home and rejoice!

Seventeen Says the Darndest Things: August Edition
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