Tuffy Luv Camps Her Fist in Your Face

Tuffy Luv is your friendly neighborhood advice columnist. You can find her swinging from buildings…or at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com. Either way.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

My college program keeps me and my friends in school full time in the summer. I was totally excited to be back at school after our winter internships and see all my friends. Everything was going totally swell. The weather was great and we had one midterm left to go so we started planning a beach trip/camping trip. I didn’t have the same lunch break as my friends so I left some of the detail planning up to them. Anyway, it was a couple a days before we were planning on going camping and I’m hanging out with my best friend. She is literally my only girl friend at college (male dominated programs are tricky that way) and a really important to me. I saw a list of camping supplies on her dresser and asked what was up with the planning and how much money I owed for supplies. And then her exact words are “You’re not going.” I got bumped from the trip because there wasn’t enough room in the car.

I wouldn’t have normally been that upset or mad but one of the people going was her friend that didn’t live in our dorm and never hung out with the group of us that did. She only hung out with my friend who kicked me off the trip. The guys going were a really great bunch but one of them was also the guy that my friend was hooking up with and then later she found out he was seeing some other girl in the winter when he moved away for his internship.

Is it just me or did I totally just get replaced? We haven’t been speaking but I told her I was really pissed off about getting ditched and that we hadn’t tried to get another car or something. She really doesn’t think it was a big deal at all and thinks I’m being dumb for being pissed. I really don’t think I have anything to apologize for but clearly she thinks so since she hasn’t made any effort to talk to me after I told her I was mad. I really don’t want to “cave” and apologize for getting mad but she’s not making any effort to talk to me!

What do I do???

-Ditched.

Dear Ditched,

Um. You should TOTALLY be mad.

I mean, it would be one thing if they didn’t have room and decided you couldn’t go (which is still messed up) and then TOLD you, but you had to find out by way of offering to pay for supplies?! What the floop!!!

But let’s back up here. Aunt Tuffy’s got some shoop to SAY.

Okay, first of all, you should be upset, but not just at this one girlfriend. Women have a tendency to blame each other when men are also at fault. How is this not also all your guy friends’ faults too? They helped vote you off the island! Girls need to band together and learn to take guys to task for their part in things instead of just blaming the guys as stupid bystanders. It’s insulting to women, and it’s insulting to men.

Sociopolitical tirade said, you have two choices. One, let this go and truly forgive and forget. Or two, tell this shoopmongers how you feel.

Tuffy sez go with choice two.

See, you’re not GOING to forgive and forget. You may drop it and not mention it again, but Tuffy guarantees you won’t be able to stop resenting them for it. And this is because of the simple fact that they were schmucks. You were involved in the original idea of a camping trip, and then, not only did they get together and decide to drop you, they then didn’t even TELL you! You found out DAYS BEFORE YOU WERE GOING TO LEAVE because you happened to see a piece of paper on your friend’s dresser. This is totally flooped up.

Instead, I suggest you talk to each one of them individually. Invite them, one by one, to coffee, and explain, calmly, that your feelings were really hurt and that no one told you that you weren’t going to be getting to go. Do NOT get emotional. Just explain that you wish someone had told you when it was first decided, or that, better yet, if they had explained the situation to you so you could have helped come up with a solution.

The friends who apologize genuinely and/or give you an honest response get to stay in your life. The ones like this “best friend” of yours who tell you it’s no big deal don’t.

You don’t need these kind of untrustworthy people in your life. Don’t make a scene–after your talks and when you’ve determined who deserves to stay in your circle of trust, quietly blow out the campfire and fade into the distance. The jerks you leave behind deserve each other.

Also, I hope they step in poo.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

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