CollegeCandy Plays Matchmaker: Hollywood Couples That Would Actually Last

Move over, Patti. There's a new matchmaker in town.

We all know that relationships don’t last long in Hollywood.  Could it be because celebrities are completely blind to their perfect matches?  You can’t let things like addictions and insane exes get in your way of true love, guys!

Here at College Candy, we’ve scoured the internet, read through all the tabloids, and racked our brains for the most perfect star-studded couples.  Using a highly-scientific method, we’ve taken various criteria into account – hot-mess status, history of violence, etc.- and calculated the most compatible romantic matches.  Take a look at who’s no longer on the market!

Spencer Pratt and Kelly Bensimon

Between The Hills and Real Housewives of New York, these two bring the crazy coast to coast.  Am I the only one wondering why King Spencer hasn’t found his queen in Kelly?  Imagine the insane conversations!  They would just babble on and on and talk over one another until next thing you knew, healing crystals were flying across the room and they fell to the floor having passionate, angry sex.

Lindsay Lohan and Lil Wayne

One word: LiloWayne.  Great celebrity nickname or greatest celebrity nickname?  Just picture it- their eyes meet across the jail cafeteria, sparks fly (or perhaps that was a stray bullet), and before you know it they’re running from the law hand in hand.  Post-incarceration they’ll shun conformity, opting instead to continue in their boozy, drug-addled ways.  It’s a modern day Bonnie and Clyde, what romance!

Kate Gosselin and Jake Pavelka

I can see this either going really, really well or oh-so horribly wrong.  They’re both control freaks, that we know.  But they’re also fame whores who claim to value family and respect and love above all else. Thanksgivings would be off the charts- kids running everywhere dismantling the house, Vienna sobbing over the phone, Jon busting in with three underage girlfriends.  Kate and Jake can go hide in the pantry, binge eating animal crackers and fake cursing.  Gosh darn gee wiz!

Denise Richards and Scott Disick

Uh, he’s gotta be a better dad than Charlie Sheen, right?  Denise and Scott can commiserate on how they barely made it out of abusive relationships- physically with Charlie, emotionally with Mama Kardashian.  And I say barely because I believe Scott was briefly forced into employment for a period of time…thankfully that didn’t stick.  Now they can bask in the flash of the cameras while they gallivant down Rodeo Drive spending their settlement money.

John Stamos and Miley Cyrus

He likes the youngins, she has no concept of what is or isn’t appropriate behavior for a seventeen year-old.  Sure, Uncle Jesse is old enough to be Hannah Montana’s father.  Think it’ll matter to anyone?  If the feds question the legality of this match-up, her parents will say, “She’s just being Miley!”

Chelsea Handler and Big Black

But only if they can adopt the chain smoking Indonesian baby.

Johnny Weir and Tim Gunn

Ohmigod, can you just imagine the outfits!  Johnny needs someone to detox him from glitter and Tim would do well to let loose a bit.  Once they worked their magic on one another, it would be a hysterical, fashion-forward pairing.  And the wedding, don’t even get me started on all the possibilities.  Heidi as best man!  That strict German skating coach as officiant!  I need to sit down for this…

Contest: Best Roomie Wins a New Room from T.J. Maxx
Contest: Best Roomie Wins a New Room from T.J. Maxx
  • 10614935101348454