Somebody didn’t get to eat their Cracker Jacks for breakfast this year and has a raging and swollen case of the ‘crabby pants.’ That somebody is Mel Gibson. But crabby pants might be an understatement. The man is absolutely reserving the Presidential Suite at the Loopy Inn. If you haven’t listened to any of the four tapes leaking on to the internet lately, take the dive and listen to one. It’s enough to make your skin crawl, not to mention demand a refund for that time you saw Maverick.
I sat in my kitchen in fear (he sounded like a self-possessed man demon) and listened to the man scream into the speaker at his wife: “I deserve to be b***n BEFORE THE JACUZZI!” Yeah, that’s a direct quote. From former heartthrob, Mel Gibson. The only thing this guy deserves before the jacuzzi is a swift strike to the throat and a branded ‘Scum Bag’ mark to his forehead.
I’m so disturbed.
However, since Mel Gibson decided to hit the crazy fan and let the pieces of his racist and terrible existence sprinkle down upon them he is giving some of the raunchiest men in Hollywood a run for their money. Seriously, Gibson has ranked himself with douchiest men out there and settle into the ranks as a piece of the nastiest scum in Hollyweird’s big toe. Our question to you is, who is the worst of the bunch now that Gibson has scampered into the ranks and embedded himself into a (hopefully graduating) class of tools?
Tiger Woods: Ok, I understand his “sex addiction” super horny feelings took him to the trashiest woman’s bed side, our entire nation caught him and he should be shunned behind his golf visor forever. The man with the hottest wife of all time actually sacrificed his relationship to bump uglies with a slew of tattooed tramps! But his dirty/gross/sexual text messages to his naughty nymphos were nothing compared to the abusive/racist/despicable things Mel has been caught muttering.
Charlie Sheen: Ugh, while Sheen has proved that the third time’s a charm by assaulting (not one) but three women, Gibson’s charming three are racism, verbal assault, and psycho tendencies. Oh, and four recordings proving his a-hole movement. It’s in the numbers: Mel is definitely skipping down A-hole Avenue hand and hand with the Sheen-erator.
Chris Brown: He’s a sleaze. He’s gross. He did something so awful that should never be forgiven. (You listening, RiRi?) But as time (not so gracefully) passes for Chris Breezy, Mel Gibson is stealing his thunder while abusing his girlfriend both physically and emotionally . Plus, there is a baby in the mix. You know CB is sitting at home thinking, “I wonder if my boy Mel will help me fork garbage in ditches.”
Al Gore: Mr. Global Warming may have unraveled an inconvenient truth while trying to seduce his massage therapist (whoops), but the jury is still out on whether this tale is true. Mel Gibson’s solid recorded evidence makes tales about Gore’s possible ‘DNA’ markings on his massage therapist’s pants look mediocre.
Jesse James: The guy’s Nazi “costume” was in bad taste, but images fade and Gibson’s angry and racist rants will forever haunt his existence.