Nothing causes me more anxiety and ill feelings than watching Kelly Bensimon talk on the Real Housewives of New York. Seriously, it makes my stomach churn more than watching those addicts stick needles in their arms on Intervention (barf). The woman is infuriating and I think my neighbor (who hears me screaming through the wall) would agree that I’d be better off without her.
Same goes for Tyra Banks (who does she think she is?!), Ke$ha, Olivia Palermo, Katherine Hiegl and the entire cast of Jersey Couture (no, I don’t know why I keep on watching it). These people shouldn’t be allowed to speak, let alone speak on camera. In fact, I think the world would be a much better place if we never had to hear from them again. Wouldn’t that be heavenly?
So let’s all start a wish list of the celebrities we want to pack up and ship off to an island far, far away. A land filled with dangerous animals, poisonous fruits and zero Internet access or cell phone service.
Who are you giving your first ticket to?
Emmy-Loyola University Chicago: Spencer from The Hills. No one deserves it more.
Sarabeth – University of Texas: I would send Tyler Perry away. The world has enough fat-lady-who’s-really-a-skinny-black-man comedies, and he’s making the same crappy non-funny movies over and over and over again. And if he has one more sitcom start up on TBS, I’ll scream.
Charlsie – Hollins Univeristy: I’d like to send Real Housewife of NJ Danielle Staub to an island where she can’t hide in Bentleys from the snakes!
Melissa – University of Maryland: Miley Cyrus. I think she should take her scantily clad, birdlike self to the Island from “Lost” and stay there. We’ll see who “Can’t Be Tamed” when she encounters the polar bears and smoke monster there.
Katherine – University of Delaware: I would have to say I’d send Mel Gibson far, far away. The way he’s treated Oksana is completely disgusting and I could put up with a thousand Spencer Pratts before I’d be okay with Mel Gibson.
Norah – Drake University: Spencer Pratt. He went off the deep end this season in The Hills, and I think we’ve all had enough of his mystical healing stones and overly fluffy hair.
Lauren H -The New School: Megan Fox – can we please just make it stop already!
Melanie – Northeastern: Charlie Sheen. Seriously, he repulses me and the fact that he is one of the highest paid television stars (on the worst sitcom) is awful.
Sara C- Fordham: Absolutely the Kardashians (do they count as one unit?). Not only are they dumb as posts, their show is always boring and they’re only famous because their late father was OJ’s lawyer (not really a great claim to fame, eh?). Yeah, Kim is hot, but there are plenty of other hot celebs and hot non-celebs, so that argument doesn’t sway me. Adios, amigas.
Lauren – University of Michigan: Ann Coulter. Though I’d really like to be there when she gets mauled by a bear.
Nina – Michigan State University: Mel Gibson! The aforementioned island would work, or he could just go to hell as long as I don’t have to hear his stupidity anymore.
Brithny – Duke: Mama Grizzly herself, because Sarah Palin should never, ever, be allowed to even attempt running for president. I’d run to Canada.
Sammie – Fordham: Kelly Bensimon. Bitch be crazy.
Leah – Ryerson University: Taylor Swift, so I never have to hear another “OMG I can’t believe I won another award I don’t deserve” ever again.
Brittany – University of Saint Thomas: Kristen “I like the taste of my lip” Stewart. If I never had to see her act or pout while wearing Gucci and standing beside Taylor Lautner…I would be fine with that.
Cristina – Michigan State: It would have to be Spencer Pratt. I really don’t think I even need to describe why.
Caitlin – University of Alabama: Spencer Pratt. I can deal with Heidi’s fake boobs and Lindsay Lohan’s insanity, but that flesh-colored beard I cannot handle.
Meg – University of Delaware: I’d send Miley Cyrus. She drives me insane, has no talent and sounds like she has a retainer in when she sings. I’m hoping that if she never came along maybe Justin Beiber wouldn’t have either and we’ve have some real music to still listen to.
Rachael – University of Miami: Oh, god, only one? Well, since I’m sure most people will say Mel Gibson (for obvious reasons, though, as a Jew, I’m personally offended by his continued ability to speak in public), I’ll go with the less common Tom Cruise. Between his attitudes toward the mentally ill, what he did to Katie Holmes, and his crappy excuse for acting, I think we’d be better off without him.