From Ice to Nice: 6 Ways to Be More Approachable in Your Dating Life

[The following post was written by dating coach, Kira Sabin, a keg of dating and relationship wisdom. She’s been helping people find love for years so we thought we’d tap this keg and see what sort of brilliant advice she has for the CollegeCandy readers. Drink up, ladies.]

When I was in high school one of my friends was the most sought-after girl in school.  I had other friends that were prettier, smarter and nicer but boys were crazy for her.

It took me a little while, but I finally figured out why she was constantly asked out, in a relationship or every guy’s dream girl.  She was approachable.

She was pretty but not beautiful.  She was smart, but not a know it all.  She was always friendly, smiling and nice.  Her secret:  Every guy thought they had a shot at her.   They always felt comfortable talking to her and she always made them feel great about themselves.  She is now married to a wonderful guy who is also the whole package.

What is the point of this story?  To let you know that just because you are beautiful, smart, funny or successful doesn’t mean that finding the right people to date is going to be easy.  In fact it may even be harder.  Does that suck?  Maybe, but it is true.

Many times the douchey guys who are approaching you are in for a challenge and once they conquered that challenge they will find a new one.  The better bet for good relationships are the healthy, great guys who just need a little encouragement to know that if they come up to you, they are not going to be making a complete ass of themselves.

In case you haven’t noticed, men are fragile souls.  Many times more fragile than we are.  If they think for any reason they are going to be rejected, they are not climbing aboard that train.  It’s going to take a little work from you.

Here are six ways to get you from ice to nice.

1.  Get off your cell phone.  It’d be a bummer if your dream man was beside you in line for coffee, but you were too busy talking to your friend about last night’s “Real Housewives of New York City” episode.  Next time you are somewhere in line, keep your body language open, look around, make eye contact and smile.  What do you have to lose?

2.  Get a partner in crime.  If you were a guy would you approach a group of four or more women?  Heck no.  It’s too scary and too many people staring as he tries to talk to you.  Going somewhere?  Go with one friend (hopefully one who can talk you up if the situation arises).

3.  If you are going somewhere alone (even if it is to meet somebody), make an entrance.  Walk in the door, pause for three to five seconds in a confident stance so everyone can notice you, and scan the room with a smile on your face.

4.  If you are sitting, make sure you are facing outward with your body toward people.  If you are only turned toward your friend then your body is saying “we are in a closed conversation.”  With both of you facing the room, it says, “we are nice and friendly, come talk to us.”

5.  When you notice someone interesting looking at you, look back.  Holding eye contact for three seconds lets him know you are interested; if he holds the eye contact with you, he’s interested too.  To seal the deal, look away for a minute or two, then look back and smile.  Look down and up again.  If he doesn’t come over after that, he is in a relationship or not in a place to date.

6.  If he strikes up a conversation with you, keep it light and friendly and have fun with it. Keep sarcasm to a minimum.  What seems okay to you, may not be for him.  It doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a sense of humor, it just means he doesn’t know you well enough to know when you’re joking. This is crucial: If you are interested, let him know.  He should ask you out, but giving him a nudge by sharing that you have really enjoyed talking to him and would love to again is just smart.  Not desperate.  Smart.

Smart is good.

Ready to get smarter and learn more tips and tricks about body language and meeting the right kind of “dateable” guys?  Join me for the College Candy Dating Makeover coming this Fall!

Tuffy Luv: Just Say No To Dormcest
Tuffy Luv: Just Say No To Dormcest
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