My parents, friends, siblings, and cat understand: come summer, I will loyally sit on my couch with snacks galore, cell phone/GChat/Facebook turned off, eyes glued to the TV. Why, you ask?
Maybe you’ve never heard of it before. Maybe you’re scratching your head because it sounds like a cheap ’60s horror flick. Maybe you really just don’t care and will resort to watching numerous Jersey Shore reruns on MTV. If that’s the case, I hope you accept my deepest of apologies, because you are missing out on the greatest thing to happen to TV since, well, TV.
What makes Shark Week so damn wonderful? Why should a bunch of college girls give up going to the beach to watch the beach on TV? Simple:
It’s Like Watching a Car Crash
Who would ever think sitting on your couch and watching a bunch of 1,000 pound fish swim around the ocean with their bloody mouths half open would be entertaining? This guy (girl). You can’t look away. You sit down to watch a quick Shark Episode and you literally cannot leave. I’m serious. Your life slows down, and suddenly you’ve been sitting on your couch for five hours watching sharks give you the stank eye through the high-def screen.
The Serial Killer Syndrome
I read in a book once that people are fascinated with serial killers because they’ve never met one themselves. Not in a way where they want to meet one, but in a weird way we feel like they don’t exist. I think the same things goes with sharks. We know they exist, but we’ve never come face to face with a living, breathing, blood thirsty shark. (And those who have most likely didn’t live to tell the tale…) That means, watching a week fulfilled with stories about them is like a creepy and addicting fairytale. And it’s great.
Shark Week is the Modern ‘Jaws’
It’s simple. People nowadays like Shark Week the same way people liked the premiere of Jaws in the ’70s. It’s horrific, it’s gory, it’s mysterious. It’s the reality TV show drama without the whining and complaining. Serve me up some of that. Although Shark Week provides you with a ton of amazing shark facts, the ideal appeal comes in when the facts are combined with real horror fantasies. Basically, you are sitting there watching Shark Week like a Hollywood E! True Story on Hammerheads. I guarantee, the story almost trumps Lindsay Lohan’s.
Cool Marine Cinematography
Go ahead, call me a nerd. But good cinematography underwater, amongst sharks, needs to be recognized and deeply appreciated. For example, do you watch ‘Life’ hear Oprah’s soft voice talk about lizard sex? I think not; it’s all about the amazing cinematography.
July Is a Slow Month
Admit it – between getting really sick of your summer job and hanging around your parents’ house in the thick heat, the beginning of July is getting a little boring. Shark Week swoops in at just the right time for you to escape to the darkness of your basement and dive right down to the depths of the under waters to watch sharks eat stuff. And that’s awesome.
Shark Week premieres Sunday night at 9 on Discovery.