Wasilla, Alaska won’t be seeing any casting call flyers hanging around Main St. any time soon. The faux-engagement of town darlings (or terrors), Bristol and Levi, failed to get them a reality show, so the two have called it off…for now. While they may not be worthy stars in their own right (contrary to what Levi might think), I think if Bristi (Levstol? Brevi? What was their nickname, anyway?) were open to appearing on an already existing show, they might have a shot at stardom.
Who gets to keep the engagement ring? What are the terms of visitation rights with Tripp? These are issues that need to be hammered out, preferably on camera! Divorce Court could make an exception for these almost-divorcees, but I think we need to call in the biggest, baddest judge of them all: Judy. Talk about someone who wouldn’t take any crap.
Bristol would be excellent on season three, no? Levi could make infrequent cameos when he wasn’t posing again for Playboy, but the spotlight would be on Mama B and her baby Tripp. We would follow them around Alaska as she taught her son the ways of the forest and shopped for toddler Benadryl at the local Target. You know she slips him a dropper-full every so often under the pretense that he’s “a little fussy, must be teething.” Hey, whatever gets that kid to sleep at night (which has to be hard considering who is parents are).
VH1’s Tool Academy
Levi totally wants to be the best dad he can be…so long as his recovery from douchey-ness is fully publicized and is followed by exclusive photo shoots and million-dollar interviews. Could host Jordan Murphy help whip Levi into father of the year? Tune in and find out.
Or maybe Bristol and Levi could have success going it alone…
Alaska Shore: I Can See Russia From My House
You know you’d watch this. It wouldn’t be hard to find the most moose-ed out, plaid wearing, gun toting folks in town to star in a Wasilla-centric reality show. I, for one, am dying to find out about the culture that spit out the glorious couple that is (was) Bristol and Levi. How important are snowmobiles to their daily life? Do they ride them to the bar? Can you get a ticket for drunk snowmobiling? Is it commonplace to bring babies to the bar? (I ask because I feel Tripp would be adorable sitting on the bar top opening beer bottles with his chubby little hands.)
It’s such an untapped market, these people of the far-north. Levi’s druggie mom would obvi have to be on the show. And First Dude, Todd. Sarah’s American flag bikini would make an appearance regularly. Throw in some local drunks and a few moose and this thing would be the white trash version of an Abercrombie photo shoot.