Single. Without Even a Kinda BF

Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Even though I’ve been technically single for almost an entire year, I’ve still been talking to my old high school boyfriend pretty regularly. I’ve still been seeing him when we’re both home on breaks, much like this girl.

We had a kind of rough break up, so I wasn’t sure if it was something that I should be doing…. Well scratch that, I knew that it was something that I shouldn’t be doing. Talking to him wasn’t the healthiest decision for my emotions. I didn’t mention it to my parents, and few of my friends from back home even knew anything that was happening. Clearly I was hiding it for a reason. Yet, despite the fact that it was a huge mistake I continued to make, at times we were basically back together.

But the whole time, I knew what I had to do. I knew that I had to stop talking to him for my own good, for my own health. Even though part of me still loved him, it reached the point where I knew I had to be done with it. All of it. I’d been leaning on him as a crutch for far too long. How would I ever really move on if he – a guy who’d been in my life for longer than I could remember – was still around? Why would I feel a need to find someone new to lean on when he was always there for me to talk to, to vent to, to snuggle up with when I was lonely?

When summer came, I took the plunge. We were both really busy and he was upset that I wasn’t going to be home for the summer, so we began talking less frequently than we had during the school year. And then one day in the beginning of June, I just didn’t text him back. Then my phone broke and I was without it for a week. I haven’t talked to him since.

It’s been more than two months now, which is not long for some people, but a huge deal for us. It’s been hard, and I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve had to stop myself from calling or texting to tell him about something funny that happened in my day.  I deleted his number way back in June to help myself resist the temptation, but I’ve also had his number memorized since I was, like, fifteen, so it still takes a lot of self-restraint to not talk to him.

And now, for the first time since we stopped talking, I am going home for a few days. This will be my first time to go home and not see him, and I’m worried about that. It’s easy to keep myself busy and distracted when we’re states apart; out of sight, out of mind, right? But I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep my word to myself when he’s a mere five minutes away.

I just have to keep reminding myself that I am doing the right thing for me.
I’ve been strong (and more independent than ever) for two months. I refuse to crack now.

Tuffy Luv Calls Long Distance
Tuffy Luv Calls Long Distance
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