Ok, wow – the September issue of Glamour is so thick and heavy I want to beat Spencer Pratt over the head with it whenever he tries to find enlightenment and become a better person by wearing tie-dye and rubbing his face with crystals. It’s stock full of over 400 (!!) pages and it’s the biggest issue in 20 years.
That’s a lot room for ad space fabulous articles, Glamour. This is good! Just another reason to love September.
Well, first of all – this issue was tantalizingly fabulous. Honestly, after flipping through 89 pages of ads, I read it cover to cover in about 2 hours – the way you read a magazine when you have a lot of time on your hands and you want to sink everything all in (reading the copy of the ads and the editor’s note). September’s Glamour featured a lengthy spread with Justin Bieber awkwardly hanging out in an arcade with a (significantly older) female model. However, J-Lo spiced up the pages with a totally hot photo shoot wearing leopard print, writing on mirrors with lipstick, and eating Chinese take-out decked out in stilettos and cat woman glasses. Standard.
Other articles told me what my headaches really mean, how to perfect a beautoumous blow-out, a fab article about perfecting the ‘classic look’ with Tommy Hilfiger, and the ever-so-helpful ‘Girl’s Guide to Appetizers,’ which made me curse everything I’ve lived for since I’ve thought quesadillas were the healthy choice. At 1,000 calories a pop, Glamour claimed otherwise. For some reason I just received the same feeling in the pit of my stomach as I did when my mother told me Santa Clause wasn’t real.
Anywho, within in the depths of the juicy pages of Glamour this month (I seriously had such a such a good time reading this issue that I brought it with me to the bathroom….twice. Stupid quesadillas…), a particular article made me stop my heavy page scanning in my tracks. Entitled ‘Six Ways to Rule the World,’ I, an ambitious yet unemployed recent grad, was ready for some inspiration.
Glamour Says: Live your life as if you’re going to be famous (because then maybe you will be).
Brittany Says: Ok, wait. Didn’t someone do this and write a book about it? Oh yeah, I think America cordially called them Speidi and now Heidi can’t sleep on her stomach or jump up and down, and Spencer Pratt has lost his mind in crystals and facial hair. This sounds like a fabulous idea! Thanksbutnothanks, Glam!
Glamour Says: Understand: Work is Mr.Right.
Brittany Says: While I totally believe you should strive to be successful in order to be happy, I also understand you shouldn’t try to make work your number one heartthrob. If you focus too much on work, it will deplete your life of what you really need (relationships with people and, most of, all a Mr.Right relationship with yourself). You are Mrs. Right. You are most important. Forgive me for sounding like a Dr.Phil broken record, but in his glory days he made some good points.
Glamour Says: Retire from the debate team.
Brittany Says: You can listen and express your opinion at the same time. A healthy relationship with this balance shall ensue, but don’t retire from the debate team entirely. As long as you’re not out-rightly hurting anybody’s feelings, say it loud and clear.