I used to think that “Get Out of Jail” free cards only existed in (drawn out) games of Monopoly, but apparently that’s not the case. At least for Lindsay Lohan who, reports say, could be released early from her treatment facility. Originally, her sentence was 90 days (after 90 days in jail), and she has been getting treatment for 13. Did she run out of leggings to wear? Does she have a hair appointment to get to?
Whatever it is, 13 is proven to be a luckier number for LiLo than it is for T. Swizzle.
You know what that means: in just a few shorts days, Lilo will be f-r-e-e and, presumably, cleaned up. Hold the press! No really, the press is going to be forced to hold the news because there won’t be any. Without Lindsay getting crunked and falling on the sidewalks of L.A., what is US Weekly and In Touch supposed to do with all those empty pages now?
Well don’t fret, my pets. Hollywood is a garden full of hot mess potential. Sure, Lindsay might be working and sober and boring, but here are just a few Hollywood tartlets who will most definitely stumble up to the hot mess plate:
Oh man, where do I even start with Miss Momsen? Is it the rat nest on her head? Her zipper-front jeans she’s sporting? The name of her band – The Pretty Reckless? Wait – I’ve got it. The hooker eyeliner. Yeah, that’s probably the most obvious problem. This (YOUNG) girl is the hottest mess around, so much so that on a good day, she makes LiLo look like Dora the Explorer. If there were ever someone to follow in Lindsay’s footsteps, Ms. Momsen is it.
I’m depressed to say this because I really like to stick up for Miley; ‘She’s just expressing herself, let her be!’ But Miley is proving to me that I just need to snap my trap shut. Exhibit A: Rumors are circling that Miley wants a boob job. Badly. I hope they are not true but regardless, Miley’s got the case of the Lindsay’s knocking at her love-layer door. The ripped clothes, the long hair, the raunchy music videos dubbed ‘artistic expression’… it’s all there folks.
Ke$ha’s songs are like Lilo’s life set to a catchy beat. Tunes about trashing people’s houses, barfing in public and making fun of old men hitting on her in bars…. all she needs is a SCRAM bracelet and we’re good to go.
Just because Lindsay’s clean doesn’t mean there are no hot messes left in the Lohan family. It is the Lohan family, after all! Ali’s had to watch her sister unravel, her mother assist and her father, well, just be himself. It’s only a matter of time until Ali’s passing out in Range Rovers, popping bottles (and pills) in the club, and giving us plenty to read about.
Much like death, taxes and 3am pizza runs, a Britney Spears meltdown is a certainty of life. Who needs Lindsay when Britney’s sporting those exposed extensions and daisy dukes, and dragging a Venti Frap with her wherever she goes? Bring Adnan back into the picture and we won’t even remember Lilo’s name.