It happens every day. You log onto Facebook and are confronted with a stream of photos and status updates. Megan’s going to the mall. Ben’s fishing with his dad. Oh, and what’s this? Chris put his dog in boxers and made it drink beer out of a Frisbee last night. Here’s hoping he isn’t friends with anyone who works for the ASPCA.
Simply put, people post dumb pictures. We tend to forget that Facebook is a public place and that often times employers, teachers, and police have access to more things than we think.
If your back-to-campus plan involves drinking, sleeping, hooking up, or any host of questionable activities, here are the pictures you’re better off keeping to yourself:
The Coyote Ugly
The pic of you dancing on the bar the night before you called in sick to your 8 a.m. needs to remain offline. Chances are a TA, professor, or peeved classmate will see it and rat you out. And really, that’s the least of your problems. Have you ever seen an actual picture of someone dancing on the bar? Usually it’s taken from ground level, six inches away from your legs. This means crotch shots, the underside of your chin(s) and nose, out of proportion ankles that have now become cankles…need I go on?
The Stop, Drop, and Roll
That filthy gutter looks super comfy, no wonder you fell asleep in it while wearing your roommate’s favorite jacket. She’ll know that “water spot” is really a grease stain from some homeless man’s pizza as soon as she catches a glimpse of you channeling Loca Lohan. Keeping it off Facebook means keeping roommate relations peaceful.
The “How long can you hold your breath?”
Unless you’re looking for a job as a pearl diver in some third world country, there’s really no reason to show off how long you can go without coming up for air. The intense PDA pictures need find their way onto your wall of shame, not your Facebook wall.
I’m amazed at how many people think they can get away with posting bong pictures online. It was posted from your account. That is your face coming out of a cloud of smoke, no? And that most definitely is your stupid grin and bloodshot eyes. So why so surprised when the Office of Student Affairs tries to bust you for having drugs in the dorm?
The Leann Rimes
Does your boyfriend know you were making out with some other dude last night? Post it on Facebook and he’ll find out soon enough.
The Sam Ronson
Does your boyfriend know you were making out with some other chick last night? See above. (Note: May result in relentless threesome propositions.)
Anything involving babies and recreating scenes from The Hangover.
You are not the female Bradley Cooper. That kid’s name isn’t really Carlos, regardless of how you tag the photo. Put the baby down and slowly walk away before you’re graduating from the State Pen instead of state college.