Living in college pretty much means you will be living a notch above a homeless person. You drink cheap booze heavily, pass out in random places, smell like last night on your way to class and (pretty much) live in a box. Luckily, we all know that is what makes college amazing.
But still, college can get pretty difficult at times. You don’t have a car your freshman year to make constant trips to Trader Joe’s, let alone the moolah to buy nice minty tea tree shampoo and Charmin Baby soft toilet paper like Mama buys at home (sigh). What are you ever going to do without a stocked pantry and a private hot shower (that doesn’t require flip flops and a shower caddy?!?).
Don’t fret, college loved ones! The college campus is a gold mine for basic needs and perks. And I promise you, one thing we have up to a homeless man is easy access to what we need.
Toilet Paper: At Texas A&M University, the opportunity to jack some TP is dwindling. Fight back! Bust into those dorm bathrooms and storage closets and stack the TP high, cradle it in your arms and for the love of all that is sanitary and hygienically sound, earn your TP!
Paper From The Lib: If you brought your own printer to school, the least your school could do for you is provide a healthy stack of paper to print out all of those essays professors are assigning. And those weekly one-pager updates your prof is making you type up for the chapter you read in Physics? That calls for an entire stack of HP Plain Paper…slipped inconspicuously into a binder….then shoved into your bag.
Loaves of Bread/Cereal From the Caf: Now this begins to get more tricky. Loaves of bread are large and awkwardly shaped and the cafeteria has many sets of eyes to watch you jack one. And cereal is crunchy and loud. But bread can construct so many foods (i.e. sandwiches, toast, french toast, garlic bread etc) and it is way worth the trouble of fetching for later. And cereal is just plain amazing. All you must do is sling your backpack open, recruit a fellow comrade, and have he/she slip it in your bag. Boom. Breakfast.
Cranberry Juice/Orange Juice/Soda From the Caf: Duh kiddies, these are perfect chaser material for Thursday-Sunday. It is pretty easy to carefully pour glasses into old Aquafina water bottles and trek them to your dorm via North Face backpack. And you don’t even have to spend a $1.50 on a flat soda in the Pepsi machine for your cheap vodka later.
Extensive Amounts of Your R.A.’s Candy: This is a given. I’m not sure if your R.A. lets bowls of candy sit outside her dorm room like every day is Halloween on crack, but mine always did. And mid-study sesh, it’s always OK to run over to the bowl and take more than a few for later. I mean, that’s what they’re there for, right?
Old Magazines From the Workout Room: This may be gross (granted everyone sweats their vodka cranberries out all over them) but if you get beyond that (degrading) thought, magazines can act for a good numbing activity when you don’t want to study and you can make a collage on your bulletin board of all of the shots of Taylor Lautner prancing in the water.
Pens in the Financial Aid Office: I’m willing to bet the financial aid office is doing just fine. One college pen that writes nicely isn’t going to kill anybody.
Free Toiletries in the Bathroom: Man, bathrooms where I went to school were stocked full of tampons. With a life so stressful and unpredictable, who knows when you will get Aunt Flo knocking on your door? Stash up, and be prepared.
Expired Holiday Decorations: Dorm rooms really get spiced up during the holidays. My advice? Take them for later and stash them in one of those 80 empty bins you have sitting around your dorm room. They will look great in your new house next year, or an on campus apartment.
The Cute Boy in Your Science Class: Steal him for coffee or happy hour. You must.