Beer Goggles Explained

You slowly open your eyes.  It feels like your mouth is filled with cotton balls, you start frantically grabbing for water. But – ouch – there is a bruise on your left arm the size of K-Fed’s gut.  You’re still wearing the clothes from last night and suddenly images of a boy pop into your hazy mind. You feel the warmth of a body beside you in your bed.  Then you remember.

You brought a boy from the bar home with you. He was pretty cute too, from what you remember. But now as you slowly roll over to see his peaceful face drooling all over your throw pillow, you nearly fall off your bed into the pile of McDonald’s wrappers from last night’s fourth meal.  Ok, he’s not that narsty, but the dude does not look like half the man you thought he was at 3 in the morning.

I know it’s happened to the best (and most responsible) of us. You’re in the bar and you see a guy across the room. That “Oh em gee, he totes resembles Gerald Butler” feeling washes over you and and then – boom – the next morning you’re laying next to Shrek.  But why?  I understand a little alcohol can disable your senses, but what about your senses are beer goggles disrupting that leaves the curly haired freak you thought resembled Gerald Butler as your big spoon??

Lucky for us, British researchers have come up with an explanation.  They have discovered drinking is linked to people thinking others are more attractive. (Duh, I could have figured that one out.)  But here’s the real kicker: Women are more affected by beer goggles than men. Ok, gimme an explanation.

Apparently by nature, people find beauty in symmetry, but alcohol is what screws around with detecting this symmetry.  When we pound more Scooby Snacks, we start to get confused and believe everyone has a symmetrical and beautimous face. Why are girls more affected by this?  Although the initial study did not explain this specifically, scientists say the difference has something to do with men being more visually oriented than woman (they tend to blatantly ogle at the ladies).

Well, that puts the ugly, hairy bum in bummer.

Guess it’s time to ditch the wingwoman and find yourself a DD (designated decider) to eye the crowd objectively and prevent you from letting the Beer Goggles do the talking.

[Photo courtesy of]

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