OMFG. Did We Almost Lose Paris Hilton Last Night?

Y’all, someone up and tried to kill Paris Hilton!  Tell me what depraved soul would do a thing like that!!

According to

“The incident occurred at 6 a.m. when police say the man approached Hilton’s house with a pair of knives and began pounding on the windows. Sources tell TMZ that Hilton spotted the man on her security cameras and called 911 immediately. The Los Angeles Times is reporting that a male friend of Hilton’s then confronted the intruder before police arrived and made the arrest around 6:30 a.m.”

Luckily for Paris, her previous night’s booty call “male friend” was there trying to escape the premises at 6 a.m. to provide emotional support and lend his interrogative skills.  Truthfully, I for one am so thankful that some rando was over to save the day.  Imagine the massacre that would have followed had Paris left the bar alone…

Off the top of my head I can think of three small dogs, a cage of rare and exotic birds, perhaps a mini-horse or two, five polar bear rugs, and one 6 ft. tall blonde heiress that all would have been slaughtered.  Just imagine the blood bath (and on those plush white carpets no less)!

And we know this creep was a pro.  He didn’t opt for daggers or ninja stars (novice mistake) but, as Paris tweeted, “just got woken up to a guy trying to break into my house holding 2 big knifes“!  Yes, knifes.

With the rehabilitation of LiLo, the jailing of Snooks, and the reformation of Nicole Richie, I couldn’t possibly stand to lose one more member of my spray-tan club*.  It’s like my family of misfit reality stars, washed up actresses, and entitled celebuspawn is disappearing before my eyes.  Excuse me while I put my head between my knees and breathe into a paper bag.

(*For those interested: we send you a new shade of orange every month.  Buy a two-year membership and you get genuine pink crystal stickies for your nails.  Side effects may include: alcoholism, the sudden rise and fall of your career, eating disorders, cocaine abuse, and/or chicken parm cravings.  Order now and we’ll waive your booking and processing fees!)

The Post-Grad Journey: Romancing the LSAT
The Post-Grad Journey: Romancing the LSAT
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