Friends Don’t Let Friends Hook Up Drunk?

If this study is true, then explain the last 4 years of my life.

Imagine this scenario:

You and your lady friends have finally finished the hell that is finals week and you are going out to party (read: get mind-numbingly drunk) at your favorite college bar. You’re having the time of your life, screaming out Miley Cyrus lyrics into your friends’ faces, pinky-swearing that you’ll all go streaking later, dancing on table tops, demanding a ginger ale,  forgetting about it as soon as you ordered it, and, last but not least, sharing cute glances with the heartthrob from class last semester.  He’s dreamy, but with your beer goggles, he’s even dreamier. You approach him, gush that he looks like a less gay and extremely older Zac Efron, and prematurely seal the deal that you guys are going to go back to the dorms…together.

You go girl!

You waddle triumphantly over to your friends and spit in their faces as you yell over Tao Cruz that you’re going home with this new homeboy you met from, like, your freshman orientation or something. “Is that cool? He looks like that boy from High School musical that dances on table tops!” And what’s your friends’ (supposedly drunk) reaction?

Apparently, not to let you go. At least that’s what a new report from the National Institute of Alcohol Abuse found. According to the study, 39% of students in that situation would try to “persuade someone to not go by reminding her that she may regret it.”  Only 21% would “wish she had a good time.” And 39% would wish she got home safely. (Editor’s Note: Really? Only 39%? Jerks.)

Um, can I buy a  ‘bullsh*t’?

I don’t know who these researchers were talking to, but it was definitely not my friends. And no, before anyone starts telling me what terrible and inconsiderate friends I have, hear me out.  It’s completely naive to totally ignore the fact that in a college bar atmosphere (where, for the most part, everybody knows everybody) people are embracing hookups. It’s part of the college culture and unless the guy looks like Shrek/has a creepy mustache, most people will let their friends do whatever and whomever they want.

Call me crazy, but I think the people interviewed in this study are what many might dub “cock blocks.” Nobody wants to be a cock block. Unless, of course, they’re sitting in front of some scientists with clipboards and don’t want to look like irresponsible jerks. “Oh, no, we would never let friends run off with a guy they recently met from class…that would be horrific.”

I can see right through that halo, peeps.

In college, you are supposed to have a lot fun, try new things and discover who you are.  Most importantly, you can get all of the kinks (i.e. hook-ups) out of your system and call it a day. And anyone who says they don’t let their friends do that is lying…. or, more likely, totally ignored. If hooking up isn’t your thing, then fine.  But in a culture where hooking up is as common as a Jessica Simpson movie going straight to DVD, I don’t think friends are going to (or even trying to) stop you from doing what you want.

However, if my friend is drunkenly contemplating buying Blonde Ambition, I’d most definitely tell her to stop. That she is going to regret.

Candy Dish: Welcome Back to Crazy Town, Amy Winehouse!
Candy Dish: Welcome Back to Crazy Town, Amy Winehouse!
  • 10614935101348454