Okay, so we all know that the “pros” have a thing or two to say about bettering our sex lives. Cosmo’s always telling us to put his needs ahead of ours (or so it seems, right?) and now scientists are offering up their two cents and it’s too reminiscent of Chem Lab for my liking. Also, I have ADD and zone out any time my favorite things become educational.
So instead of getting all brainy on a topic that should be anything but, I offer you a regular girl’s guide to bettering your sexual endeavors. You will not be tested on this material (at least not in a Scantron sort of way), just print it out and hang it above your bed.
1. Speak Up
Don’t wait for him to ask you what feels good. If he’s a mildly oblivious (aww, but well-meaning) college dude, chances are he’ll think he’s doing just fine so long as you both leave satisfied. Problem is, “just fine” isn’t always what you’re looking for. Help him shoot for the stars by being vocal about what feels fabulous and what leaves you a little bored.
2. Dress Up
Who says costumes are just for Halloween and frat mixers? I know you’ve got a few choice outfits in that closet waiting for the next CEOs and Office Hoes party. Break ‘em out and watch his eyes (among other things) get big with excitement.
Admit it, everyone’s got at least one major sex fantasy. Whether you’re into the run-of-the-mill naughty doctor routine or something a little…less…ordinary, it’s time to indulge and go wild. One of the biggest factors in a great sex life is being comfortable with your partner. This is one of the points that will really test your comfort level. I mean, imagine telling a rando you’ve always wanted to get it on in the library while people secretly watched. Awk-ward!
4. Play Around
Role-playing is an excellent way to explore the boundaries of your relationship. It’s kinda an excuse to say anything and, should it not be well received, chalk it up to “getting caught up in the moment.” Likewise, you may test his limits and find you’ve both wanted to try some of the same things. It’s a harmless way to ease into some of the iffier conversations and keep the mood light.
5. Get Dirty
6. Think Outside the Bed
Try the floor. Try the couch. Try the stairs. Try the top of the dryer. Just make sure these aren’t communal places and that no one’s home. I mean, unless you’re fulfilling #3. In that case, just try not to get caught.
7. Make Him Surprise You
It’s like potluck dinner, but better because it’s not dinner- it’s sex! When you keep an open mind and allow your partner to bring his own selection of tricks to the table, you might just stumble upon something great. As an added bonus, he’ll get an ego boost knowing you trust him enough not to give directions all the time. No one wants a control freak in bed (unless you’re exploring tip #1, but be kind about it).
8. Watch Together, Stay Together
Watching porn can do a lot of marvelous things for your sex life. Not only can it provide some DIY ideas, but porn also serves as great foreplay and will help get you both in the mood for the main event. Be sure to remember, not everything in the movies is quite as epic as real life. But that shouldn’t stop you from trying!
9. Keep it Real
In light of #8, I have this to offer: Don’t have unrealistic expectations for sex. Try to avoid mumbling, “That was it?” and realize it takes two to tango. You’re half the equation, so it’s equally up to you to bring your A Game to the bedroom.
10. Satisfy Yourself
How do you expect anyone else to know what works for you if even you don’t know what works for you? Masturbation is a beautiful thing and a necessary part of a stellar sex life. Find what brings you to orgasm on your own so you know what you like once it’s sexy time plus one.