Single. And Not Wasting Anyone’s Time

I am SO lucky to have a really close knit group of girlfriends here at Loyola. It’s extremely rare that there is ever any kind of tension between us, but one particular topic has continually been a source of conflict between all of our girls. As you might have guessed, the issue revolves around boys. Or to be more specific, one boy.

One of our girlfriends has started dating this boy that nobody else approves of. He’s smart, but he doesn’t try hard in school. He lost his scholarship this year because he barely went to class last year, and it seems like he is always either drunk, high, or a some messed up combination of the two. Okay, so you get the point… he’s less than perfect. But our friend B is the opposite. She has her life planned out, is the only person I know to make it through honors with a perfect GPA, and would never dream of touching illegal drugs, let alone selling them.

So why is she with this guy? The girl has plenty (and I mean plenty) of other options, but she still chooses him…

It’s one of life’s eternal mysteries that we might never solve – why the good girls always like the bad boys, and why opposites really do attract. But oddly enough, the whole Miss Perfect/Mr. Stoner pairing is not my biggest issue with this whole scenario (even if I’ll never understand what she sees in this deadbeat).

After hearing B gush about her new beau, I was shocked to hear her talk about how casual it was, and how she liked it a billion times better than any serious relationship she’s ever had. B came out of a long-term, serious high school relationship just like I did, except they tried to make it work for part of their freshman year. Obviously, it didn’t go so well and she spent the rest of the year totally single. And now with this new boy, her attitude has completely changed.

“Hey, it’s not like I have to marry the guy. He’s just fun to hang out with for now!”

It’s funny because that is hard for me to process. Aside from summer flings (which, let’s face it, don’t really count for anything but the necessary life experience/obligatory sex on the beach story), I’ve never been in a relationship where I know for sure that it isn’t going anywhere in particular. Not even in middle school! It’s not like I’m looking to get married anytime soon (at ALL), but I can’t picture dating someone for a long time knowing at the beginning that nothing long term is going to happen between the two of you.

I mean, is that even possible? How can you make such a statement when there are emotions and feelings involved?

Even though I’m young and in college, I’m not settling for Mr. Good Enough for right now. I don’t want to waste my time (and his time) with someone that I know I’m ultimately going to break up with. I understand why people do it – trust me, I’ve been single for a LONG time – but it just won’t work for me. I take relationships seriously and I don’t want to put my time and effort into something that is not.

As far as my friend B, I’m happy that she’s happy; that’s what is most important to me and all our girlfriends.  If this situation works for her for the short term, I’m behind it 100%. (And if she wants to take it long term, well, then we’ll have to sit down for a bad boy intervention.) But for me this whole thing is just a reminder that while everyone else around me may be focused on the here and now, when it comes to relationships, I’m willing to wait for something with more long-term potential.

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