Question for Tuffy Luv? Ask [email protected].
Dear Tuffy Luv,
I’m quite upset that I have to write to you again, but you gave such great advice last time that I would love hear from you again. I’m the short-skirted floozy who wrote to you about a month ago, and unfortunately, the situation has NOT improved. I’ve been following your advice – I wear my conservative clothes to her house, and even wear bike shorts under my dresses and skirts. I attend all the family functions to which I’m invited and spend quality time with the whole family when I’m at his house instead of hiding out in his room. We even made them dinner and dessert one night!
Recently, the boyfriend and I went on several weekend trips, which, given that he’s 19, shouldn’t be a huge deal. Momma wasn’t pleased with the idea, but she eventually gave in and let it go. We figured that maybe she was finally realizing that he’s growing up and away, like all children are supposed to. However, with back-to-school looming, the leash is getting shorter and shorter.
It all started the other night: His whole family was at a family friend’s house. Momma got a little tipsy and started spouting off about “bitches who steal sons away from their parents and never let them talk to them again.” She said she wished she had a daughter (she has two sons, BF is the older) because “a daughter is a daughter for life, a son is a son until he chooses a wife” and how “girlfriends never realize that it’s the mother who raised them and she just gets to reap the benefits.” This was all in front of me; I was sitting right next to her at the table. It all seemed quite pointed, given that I’m BF’s first girlfriend and his younger brother has yet to have one.
Just today, Boyfriend let her know that he was going to the mall with me to pick out some new clothes for school. She began to make an issue out of how the clothes we buy together never seem to fit him. The only clothes we have ever bought together are a pair of nice khaki Dockers that are, as far as I can tell, the best fitting pants he has. Then she went on about how I spend money carelessly and make him spend more that he should. His father asked him why he couldn’t just go shopping with his mother, and he responded by asking why he couldn’t just go with me. His dad said “Because your mother is paying” and BF responded “Well, then I can just pay.” He told them we had dinner plans and he had to leave. When we got back tonight, he told her he didn’t buy anything, just tried things on, because we could get better discounts online. She asked where he was buying from, and he told her American Eagle. She’s strictly a Kohl’s/Walmart person. She rolled her eyes and said something about how it was too expensive, especially with shipping. I let her know that they had a promotion where if you spent $75+ you got free shipping, that the clothes were buy 1 get 1 half off, and we had a 20% off coupon on top of it. She just responded “And what can you get for $75 from there? Jean and a T-shirt? I want to see these clothes before you order them.” (Yes, really.)
Honestly, in the past few weeks she’s gotten even more overbearing and possessive, referring to him as “my son” constantly. We head back to college on Friday, and I’m counting the minutes. I just don’t know what to do about her anymore? He’s going to be 20 in a month, and she’s only pushing him away and making his frustrated with all the babying she’s doing. Is there any way I can tell her that she’s pushing him away without risking even more of her ire?
Dear Son Thief (aka Short Skirted Floozy),
Teehee. Flattery will get you everywhere.
But before I address your question, I’mma say two quick things to all you readas out there:
(1) A lot of you send me questions and then say “please don’t post this” or “please respond to me on email.” I don’t do that. I either answer your question in this column or not at all. Sorry.
(2) I LOVE hearing from you kidsos a second time!!! I’m psyched to hear from Shirt Skirted Floozy again. Aunt Tuffy gets such a lil’ ol’ kick out of hearing the follow-up. So write a second time! I velcome it!
Okay, now onto your question, Son Thief.
This woman is OUT. OF. CONTROL. She is completely possessive and demented. It’s getting to be like a TV drama. She has got to calm down.
Tuffy’s guess is that, frankly, she just doesn’t like you and she’s never going to. Sorry. This is not a reflection on you AT ALL–try to remember that! She just cannot let go of her son. It’s like some crazypsychosexual thing. It’s like a Tennessee Williams play up in here.
And look. Loop knows I love a good American Family Drama. But this shoop?! Not okay.
You’re going back to college with him soon, yes? He won’t be living in his mother’s house? GREAT. I change my advice from before. Being more conservative obviously will not work with this woman. I still say that you should NEVER say anything bad to him about his mother.
But now I also say:
AVOID AVOID AVOID
Keep the SHOOP outta her way. She is NOT good to mess with. While you’re in college, forget about her. And when summer comes, plan to stay as far away from her as possible. Don’t hang out at her house. Don’t go on family dinners. And when your presence is absolutely necessary (say, a holiday or birthday party or something like that), just continue to be sweet as punch to her.
As for the whole clothes thing–SO not worth arguing about. What the floop does it matter?! If your boyfriend is paying, it’s not her decision–but it’s also not yours. If he wants to buy the clothes, you butt out and let him explain it to Mommy. And don’t go around making fun of her bad taste; that will win you NO points with her or your boyfriend OR karma.
You will not win with this woman. Call it a tie and get thee to college.
Hearts & Skulls,