Your cell phone alarm is going off in your ear to the tune off She Bangs by Ricky Martin, inducing the hangover you worked so hard for last night (note to self: change to something MJ immediately). Your body pillow is the most obliging (and loyal) bed partner you’ve had in months, and the monsoon outside is actually starting to lull you back to sleep. So what’s going to keep you from repeatedly hitting the snooze button and subsequently infuriating your roommates and failing out of school?
The oh so delicious piece of man meat awaiting you at that 9 am roll call.
Now, there’s not going to be a prince charming lurking behind every door, but we came up with a class schedule that is sure to make the grade.
The Dude: Frat Boy
The Class: Bio 150 – Introduction To Geology, aka “Rocks for Jocks”
An introduction to the physical processes operating on the earth and the history of the earth. This course will introduce topics including the formation and physical properties of rocks and minerals, plate tectonics, geologic time, weathering and erosion, and global climate change.
Now, if you’re looking for some denser material (other than the barrel chested buffoons surrounding you, oh and the, um, rocks) this is not where you want to start your hoghunt. However, if you’re just looking for a good time (think Animal House meets Van Wilder) and a tenacious, albeit, physically destructive flip cup partner, this is where you will find your Manweiser. King of Beers anyone?
The Dude: Wallstreet
The Class: Fnce 911 – Financial Economics
The objective of this course is to undertake a rigorous study of the theoretical foundations of modern financial economics. The course will cover the central themes of modern finance including individual investment decisions under uncertainty, mean variance theory, capital market equilibrium, arbitrage pricing theory, option pricing, and the potential application of these themes.
For all of you gold-diggers who get off on a stiff one in a power suit (and by gold-diggers I mean savvy bitches, and by savvy bitches I mean f**king geniuses), strut your assets into an upper-level business class and invest in a certified money market badass. (Ya, ya, we’re in a recession… so was John Rockefeller at one point.) Just take a seat next to most dapper dude you can find, stroke his flaccid ego, and ask him if he still has the balls to pop your…collar. Yeah, I said it.
The Dude: The Cultured Connoisseur
The Class: Intl 160 – Comparative Development
An exploration of the economic, political, and social changes that constitute development. Both the historical experience of Europe and the contemporary Third World are considered.
Attention sophistikids: Thirsty Thursday rolls around, and you would rather indulge in a full-bodied red (or blonde or brunette) than sling back buttery nipple shots with marginally articulate acquaintances. Well bring your passport and permission slip to class, young lady, because there awaits your cosmopolitan travel mate. He will woo you with stories of international adventure and serenade you under the stars in three romance languages all while planning what culinary delicacy to tantalize your senses with next. Welcome to School Year Abroad – Paradise, my friend. Pack your sunglasses, ‘cause the future’s bright.
The Dude: The Not So Struggling Artist
The Class: Art 203 Figure Drawing
Figure Drawing focuses on drawing issues related to working from the nude model while emphasizing proportion, foreshortening, and planar structures of the figure. Students will work from very short poses to extended poses. Students aim to develop sensitivity to the structure, anatomy and expressive qualities of the human form.
Calling all exhibitionists, Kama Sutra goddesses, Venus de Milo look-alikes and/or any single chick with an hour of down time and healthy dose of self possession: Pose Nude And Get the Dude! Get Naked And Bring Home the Bacon! Ok, so maybe this is a little forward/overzealous, some might even say tacky (if not for art’s sake), but I dare you to think of a sexier “how we met” story. “Well your father truly had an artist’s vision, and I used to take my clothes off for beer money.”
Scratch that. What you could do, however, is take the more subtle (and sanitary) approach and join him in the observation wing. Indulge in discourse about the beauty of the female form (finally, a guy who knows that real boobs shouldn’t double as a chin rest), marvel at his attention to detail down to the very last freckle, and slowly but surely secure yourself as this Boticelli’s next muse. (For those of you with less time and a shorter attention span, partner up for that full frontal homework assignment and find out just how deeply this guy’s creative juices run.)
The Dude: The Social Martyr
The Class: Soc 150 – Economic Development and Social Change
Emphasis on understanding the interrelations among economic, political, and cultural aspects of change in developing countries. The experience of currently developing nations is contrasted to that of nations which industrialized in the 19th century. Compares the different development strategies which have been adopted by currently developing nations and their consequences for social change.
You know your classmate in middle school who used to personally escort insects outside to spare them the judgment of your sneaker? Who befriended the new kid in town when no one else would? And who brought in his family’s entire pantry stock for the canned food drive? Well if his charitable ways made you blush back then, this is where you can find him now, and this time he’s the one who will be red in the face (over the injustices of the American education system, that is). He will melt your heart with his crusade to empower the impoverished, and bring tears to your eyes with his commitment to the Clean Water Act. But make sure you come to class prepared to discuss your most impassioned causes, missy, because he will ask, and he will care. Oh, and you might want to make a list of the preferred locations for your first Peace Corps assignment, keeping in mind that these should not overlap with your spring break destinations. Remember, the dirtier, the better. Wink.
[This post was originally posted by Lexi C. – Brown]