Your Friends Don’t Wash Their Hands and Everyone’s a Liar

Do you wash your hands every time you go to the bathroom?
….Or do you just tell people you do?

Gawker recently reported that 85% of people wash their hands after doing their business… but 96% of people claim they do. That’s nearly a 10% discrepancy… meaning that you probably shouldn’t let 10% of the people you know feed you or touch your face or stick their fingers in your mouth.

All this makes me wonder – if people can lie about something so fundamental (and hygienic), what else are they fibbing about?  The honest truth: everything.

Here are some of the most common:

“I go to the laundromat once a week”
Bullsh*t. I’ve smelled your sheets (from the other side of the room) and let me tell you, they did not smell of Snuggle fabric softener. That being said, I don’t judge anyone that doesn’t wash their jeans after every wear. I don’t either – they get all crunchy and then you have to do lunges and they don’t fit the same way for weeks. I think it’s time we all own up to it.

“I’ve only slept with two guys in my entire life” or “Yeah, I banged her…and her best friend…and her sister…”
Yes, it still counts no matter how many Patron shots preceded it.  And no, it doesn’t count if it only happened in your imagination.

“No, those jeans don’t give you muffin top. They look HOT.”
If your BFF feels super slammin’ in her outfit, who are you to bring her down?

“Hi, my name is Chandelier and I’m an exchange student from Tanzania.  It’s my twenty-first birthday!  Also, I’ll be starring in a movie that’ll be out later this year.”
Come on, those creepsters giving you the creepy eye at the bar are totally asking for it.

“I floss every day.  Twice a day, actually!”
Trust me, the dentist isn’t buying that one for a second.

“Aww, I would LOVE to have dinner with you tonight!  But I totally have to study.”
And by “study” I mean “go out with other people who I’d rather spend time with but I have no idea how to tell you that without offending you or being forced to invite you.”

What lies to you tell most? Even more, what lies do you hear most?

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