If you wanna ask Tuffy a question, you can email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.
Dear Tuffy Luv,
I’ve been with my bf for two and a half years and I think it’s a good thing to be friends with his three guy best friends. Not in a way that says ‘I’m gonna be THAT girl and force myself into all of your conversations and hang out times,’ but they are a big part of my life. They aren’t going anywhere, they all grew up together, and I’m glad my guy has some really good friends who know him so well. My boyfriend is adorkable – he’s pretty nerdy but he’s not terribly socially awkward like his good friend … let us call him “C”.
After trying to help C land a girlfriend (I’m a good wingwoman), we’ve become close. Lately, some friends have been hosting Saturday Drinking Nights every week or so at their apartment. My boyfriend and I meet up with C and go there to have a good time, play Circle of Death, important college type things.
At the first drinking night C kept insisting he put his arm around my shoulder so that I may function as a stabilizer. He was quite wobbly so I accepted that excuse. The next drinking night two weeks later, I was sooooooo drunk by the end. One of my friends said she swore he saw him start off leaning on me for support, then gradually put his arm around my waist and had been gradually moving his hands toward other places before he noticed her watching him like a hawk. I can’t verify with my boyfriend – he’d been out on a 7-11 run.
Three weeks later a dear friend of mine was over for dinner while my boyfriend was at a mandatory 3-day family reunion in another state. My friend brought some booze and we were drinking because it was her last night before she left. She got picked up, and I was alone in the house, sorta drunk and at 3 in the morning the dog started barking and growling. I’d never heard her bark in that way, so I thought someone was breaking in. So, being drunk, the first person I called was my bf. He said I should have C come check on me and the house.
So C came over and checked around the house for signs of a break-in while I freaked out a little. Then when he found none there was this awkward 27 minutes of us standing by the back door, me holding it open and him NOT LEAVING. He kept trying to check the windows, locks, curtains you name it. He kept hugging me and telling me it was okay and not to be scared, even though I had been thoroughly done with my mini-breakdown five minutes after he got there.
Then he kept asking me if i needed him to stay with me. At that point I felt very uncomfortable to be even that little drunk with someone who allegedly felt me up while I was too drunk to notice. So I lied and told him that I called a girlfriend before he got to the house and she would let me stay at her house if I was scared. He left very reluctantly, maybe after he realized I was not in the blackout stage and would NOT be taken advantage of. I haven’t talked to him since that night.
So after all this my question is: How the hell can I talk about this with my boyfriend without ruining their friendship? Is it possible?
Okay, first of all, I love your use of the word “adorkable.” Coin that shiz.
On to your question:
Girl, stop flooping getting out of control drunk!!! GEEZ!!! Sorry, kids, but it’s just plain stoopid to get blackout drunk at a party. I mean, this guy who you’re supposed to be able to trust tried to feel you up. Imagine what a stranger might do.
Aside from that, though, you’ve actually got a problem on your hands.
I’m pretty sure C has decided he wants you for himself. This is SO not okay, but unfortunately guys are more flexible on that whole getting-with-friends’-lovers than girls are. I’m gonna go ahead and call C out for what he really is: a creep. Stay away.
But before you stay away, have a talk with him. Have the talk during the day and in a public place. AND NO DRINKING. Tell C that you feel his behavior has crossed a line. He will tell you, of course, that it has not. However, you MUST be firm and tell him that you feel it has. Be upfront and give him the details of what has made you uncomfortable. Look him in the eye the whole time and do NOT apologize for how you feel.
He will inevitably try to brush it off, but he’ll be listening. Stand your ground. Tell him that, whether or not he thinks it’s a big deal, it is absolutely a big deal to you, and, either way, you are giving him one chance. If he EVER acts inappropriately in this way to you again, you will tell your boyfriend. If not, then you two can remain distant (NOT close) friends.
There is, of course, the slight possibility that, to protect his own ash, he may turn around and tell a lie about you to your boyfriend. Be prepared for this. Actually, if it were me, I’d make him sign a dated contract saying that you two had this conversation (not that he agrees that he did it, but just that you talked about it). Don’t show the contract to your boyfriend unless C tries to backstab you.
Blech. Just thinking about this guy gives me the heebyjeebs.
Hearts & Skulls,