Wait, The Next Bachelor is Gonna be WHO?

What a cheese d*ck.

I’m all for recycling.  Plastic bottles, magazines, boyfriends, reality TV stars.  And on my favorite show, The Bachelor, there’s no exception.  Each season I grow attached to the contestants.  I’ve got my favorites, as I’m sure you do if you keep up with the show.  It was amazing to see so many friendly (and hot) faces return on the Bachelor Pad and I had my fingers and toes crossed that January’s return of The Bachelor would bring another welcome surprise.

Looks like all that wishing and hoping was for nothing.

It’s being widely reported that Brad Womack, the dude who didn’t pick anyone on his season, who sent Deanna packing along with that other chick, is being asked back for a second shot at love.  OK, ABC…what are you smoking?  You’ve got a plethora of gorgeous, funny guys at your disposal.  What’s wrong with one of them!?  Brad’s ugly!  And dumb!  And has a history of ignoring the rules while being a general douche bag!

Should someone realize the error of their ways at the last minute, here’s a list of guys who are more deserving and less atrocious than dear Brad:

A Dream Team season of Jesse Kovacs and Dave Good

Do you seriously think Brad wants to get on the show for any other reason than to just bang random new chicks?  At least Kovacs and Dave would own up to their true intentions.  And they’d be a hell of a lot hotter to watch. [Mmmmm abs mmmmm.]  ABC wouldn’t even need a mansion to film out of.  Just leave these two shirtless next to a pool and ratings would never be higher!

Cape Cod Chris (aka Chris L. from Ali’s season)

Awww!  Easily one of the most precious contestants in a long time, Chris was shot down in favor of some baseball stud from Charleston (what was his name again? Manuelo? Ricardo?).  Ali’s loss could have been our gain, but Chris Harrison dropped the ball.  Rumor is Chris L. wasn’t that into the sudden-celebrity thing. I just don’t think Mr. Harrison tried hard enough.

Seann William Scott

Well, we know he needs a career boost.  And he’s totally single.  If the Bachelor turned into some sick American Pie hybrid it would be like that car wreck you can’t look away from.  Bonus points because you know one of the girls, when asked to leave, would be all like, “Dude, where’s my rose?

Reid Rosenthal from Jillian’s season

Seriously, who didn’t love Reid?  He was the cute realtor from Philadelphia who, after being denied a rose, went back to Jillian and proposed anyway.  That’s not stalkerish, that’s going after what you want!

Ryan Seacrest

For two reasons.  First, he would give Chris Harrison a run for his money and the show just might turn into a battle of the super hosts.  (“And my final rose goes to….. we’ll find out after the break.”) Second, because when the girls went home to meet Ryan’s mother she’d have to reveal more of his shameful childhood pictures.  Chubby Ryan Seacrest always wins.

Cory Monteith

I’m sure the guy could use a break from Glee.  And he’s just so yummy looking. And Canadian. The Bachelor: The Musical would definitely break ratings records and I just might sign up myself for a chance at a song-a-gram inspired proposal.  Don’t stop believin’, ladies.

Jesse Csincsak from Deanna’s season

He won, they got engaged…and then they had a very public breakup where Jesse bitched Deanna out on YouTube.  Okay, well at least we know he’s comfortable “being himself” in front of a camera!

Uh, or they could just find someone new…
It might actually be a good thing to get a little fresh blood on this show.  Then again, anything would be a good thing when compared to watching twenty hours of Brad Womack seduce trashy women.

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