The Morning After: Animal Behavior

[Everyone’s got a morning after story (some of which are way more mortifying than others) and we wanna hear yours! Send it over to us and we’ll post it – anonymously, of course – right here!]

The last day of my freshman year of college was a blur. Went to class, took a final (passed?), signed up to donate money to the ASPCA, then went to work. But the last night of freshman year is crystal clear.

I arrived back to the dorms at about midnight, with one thing on my mind: sleep. I know, I know. I’m pretty wild. En route to my room, however, I was accosted by a drunken friend, inviting me in for a drink (or two, or three). There were about six of us in the tiny room, and before we knew it things got pretty out of hand. Attempting to avoid getting written up for noise violations, we left the dorms and went to a party at some campus apartments nearby.

And then things got even more out of hand. No one knew whose alcohol they were drinking, or whose lap they were sitting on. People were crawling back and forth through the windows to go out and smoke or yell at strangers. Before I knew it, I was down about three shots too many and fairly drunk (sh*tfaced, actually).

Remember that blurry day-detail of donating money to the ASPCA? Well, as it turns out the cute guy who asked for my pledge had sneaked my number from my sign up because he thought I was cute too. And, you guessed it, who else should give me a ring at Drunk O’Clock in the morning but ASPCA Guy. “Before you say anything,” he said, “I know this is weird, but I’ve been thinking about you all day. I just got up the guts to call you.” And you know what I said?

“ASPCA guy! You’re so hot and I’m so drunk!” Followed by what I probably will never be able to live down: a full on serenade of– I kid you not– “Barracuda.” He was nice enough to stay on the phone with me while I barraged him with dirty talk (good God…) and other sexual offers and advances. He eventually hung up on me.

In the morning, I double checked with my roommate to confirm that I had indeed sang Heart to the cutest guy I had seen in a while. Unfortunately, she said it actually happened. The worst part was the next night he called back. I was so excited, thinking that maybe he was just going to laugh off the incident and try again.

He was calling to verify my credit card number. Now I have a $20 monthly reminder of my failure. Oh, Barracuda.

Intro to Cooking: Apple Crisp a la Mode!
Intro to Cooking: Apple Crisp a la Mode!
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