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Dear Tuffy Luv,
Here’s my dilemma. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about 7 months. He’s great, really into me and always doing anything he can to make me happy. At first, all the “you’re so beautiful and perfect” blah blah comments were cute and flattering, as any girl would think, but he’s still doing it now, to an extreme, and it’s a little…annoying.
I mean, every girl needs a little bad boy now and then; not a mush ball ALL THE TIME. Sometimes I wonder if I’m with him because I’m afraid no one else will treat me as well as he does, but other times, I love being with him. Am I forcing it? Am I leading him on? Should I end it now, before things get further along? UGH
Honey, you need to sit this boy down and tell him to cut that sh*t out.
It’s great to be flattered, but it’s only great if you know it’s sincere. And to Tuffy, it sounds like this is exactly the problem. How are you supposed to know he means it if he says it all the fricking time?!
Guys are always complaining that girls don’t like nice guys, why can’t girls like nice guys, girls are stupid for not liking nice guys, blah blah blah save your breath, jerks. Girls like nice guys. We just don’t like guys to butter us up like a fat guy’s doorway.
Compliments are nice, but your boy needs to learn to save them for when he really means it.
Besides, all this talk of being “perfect” is downright creepy. Yeah, I’m sure he means it in a flattering way, but, to me (and probably to you since you wrote to Tuffs about it), it seems kind of pathetic. I mean, you guys should be equals in the relationship. Why is he trying to put you on a pedestal?
It’s been my experience that guys who do that tend to have the whole Madonna/Whore complex: a girl is perfect until she disappoints them and then she’s completely evil. Both extremes are effed up.
My suggestion is this, Overloved: Ask your boy if he knows he’s acting this way and if he knows why. Have a really good, non-judgmental discussion about it (tell him it bothers you, but do it kindly and make sure he knows you appreciate his intent). Then give him two weeks to get it together.
If you still feel uncomfortable after two weeks, it may be time to move on. Just don’t move onto some other guy who treats you badly to compensate. If I get a letter from you as “Underloved,” I will cut you.
Hey, but drop me an email and let me know how it goes!
Hearts & Skulls,