Austin Purifoy taught us a very valuable lesson this week when he pooped in the backseat of a car he thought belonged to his girlfriend – apparently you can go “too far” when it comes to getting back at your ex. Though Mr. Purifoy won’t be arrested for his stunt, we thought this one went a little beyond what’s considered reasonable revenge. The line is fine and often hard to define, but here’s our best attempt at outlining what is and what isn’t acceptable bitch behavior:
Okay: Putting something gross in your ex’s car. Like an onion. Or a dead hermit crab.
Not okay: Having that “gross thing” be poop. Yours or anyone else’s.
Okay: Planting pictures of the two of you where you know his new girlfriend will see.
Not okay: Going to his apartment wearing only a trench coat “because he ordered that striptease” while his new girlfriend is over.
Okay: Giving out your ex’s number to all the creepy guys you meet at the bar.
Not okay: Posting his number on the Craigslist Casual Encounters board.
Okay: Telling your ex you’re pregnant.
Not okay: Telling your ex’s parents you’re pregnant.
Okay: Subscribing his email address to a hundred different annoying and graphic PETA newsletters.
Not okay: Telling PETA he’s operating a bunny-skinning factory in his basement.
Okay: Changing your ex’s Facebook password so he can’t log on.
Not okay: Changing his password and also screwing up his profile. Having him as “Interested in Men” would be an insult to the gay community.
Okay: Anonymous mass email to his friends with scandalous photos of your ex attached.
Not okay: Anonymous mass email to the entire student body with scandalous photos of your ex attached.