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The Do’s and Don’ts of Breakup Revenge

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Austin Purifoy taught us a very valuable lesson this week when he pooped in the backseat of a car he thought belonged to his girlfriend – apparently you can go “too far” when it comes to getting back at your ex.  Though Mr. Purifoy won’t be arrested for his stunt, we thought this one went a little beyond what’s considered reasonable revenge.  The line is fine and often hard to define, but here’s our best attempt at outlining what is and what isn’t acceptable bitch behavior:

Okay: Putting something gross in your ex’s car.  Like an onion.  Or a dead hermit crab.
Not okay: Having that “gross thing” be poop.  Yours or anyone else’s.

Okay: Planting pictures of the two of you where you know his new girlfriend will see.
Not okay: Going to his apartment wearing only a trench coat “because he ordered that striptease” while his new girlfriend is over.

Okay: Giving out your ex’s number to all the creepy guys you meet at the bar.
Not okay: Posting his number on the Craigslist Casual Encounters board.

Okay: Telling your ex you’re pregnant.
Not okay: Telling your ex’s parents you’re pregnant.

Okay: Subscribing his email address to a hundred different annoying and graphic PETA newsletters.
Not okay: Telling PETA he’s operating a bunny-skinning factory in his basement.

Okay: Changing your ex’s Facebook password so he can’t log on.
Not okay: Changing his password and also screwing up his profile.  Having him as “Interested in Men” would be an insult to the gay community.

Okay: Anonymous mass email to his friends with scandalous photos of your ex attached.
Not okay: Anonymous mass email to the entire student body with scandalous photos of your ex attached.

COLLEGECANDY Writer